Monday, July 26, 2010

Dear Scarlett Johansson


Thursday, July 8, 2010

Karlie Kloss Has a Gun...

And she's not afraid to use it.

(Hint: It's in the turban)

Kloss continues to channel classic film noir femme fatales, as seen here in the recent Gaultier HC show in Paris. And let's not forget her dead on Betty Bacall for Dior:

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Ave Madonna

Full of Grace Jones, D&G is with thee.

A&F Still Masquerading as a Clothing Company

Despite its lack of clothes.

Frail, mustachioed men hiding in the corners of darkened movie theaters: rejoice!. The A&F Quarterly is back!

After depriving the world for seven years of their well-muscled male models in homoerotic situations, Abercrombie is once again displaying firm, bare man asses, but with an occasional girl thrown in to spice things up.

And who should be at the helm but that professional ass-grabber, and fairy godmother to the girls at AnA, Bruce Weber?

Uh-oh, a vaguely black girl! This is change I can pretend to believe in.

I know I'll be pre-ordering mine.

Monday, July 5, 2010

Fonda Memories

My favorite movie about a hooker with a heart of gold (fuck you Julia), Klute, gets the Vogue Nippon treatment with professional lamppost, Freja Beha Erichsen in the lead role. And...this can't be's shot by Terry Richardson...? That voyeur visionary and in all reality, total perv? Well I'll be darned. Who's been teaching tricks to that old dog?

Heterosexual Coupling Never Looked So Good

Chameleon/nouveau supermodel/Philly bitch, Sessilee Lopez and the latest target of my stalker's night vision binoculars, Wendell Lissimore, burn up this editorial from The Contributing Editor.

First Grace Jones, now Iman. I want this girl channeling every black female (and the occasional male) model of the past 50 years. And after those five minutes are over, I want her jumping in American Vogue.

I love the tongue on the left, so why play hard to get on the right? Starts ta poppin' those balloons, girl!

Throw this on the cover of i-D and call it a day.

Cockblock much?

I'm secretly a big fan of preppy clothing and this has inspired me to come out of that particular closet. Every other one having had its door broken off the hinges ages ago.

I kinda hope they're spitting into each other's mouths. Hot. Just me?

Funk. Yes. I want an entire family of kids who look exactly like this. That would solve every problem that exists in the world today. You're give me my damn Nobel Prize.

The matching outfits continue but I'm certainly not sick of it. If real couples dressed like this, I might not want to pelt them with the relentless stones of my bitterness. I also want that khaki jumpsuit. Preferably the one on Sessilee so I can show off these pins.


Thursday, June 3, 2010

R.I.P. Akimbo


Thank you for being a friend.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Who Let Lester Out of Her Cage? Akimbo

Where am I? I don't need this fur - throw it on the floor! Now, look at all this skin darling, look at all of this lavender draped skin. You just can't handle it. I can't even look at it in this headpiece Gaga borrowed from me last week. Oh well, I'll just give them so leg...

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Breakfast at Tiffany's, Bombing at Barney's ... Akimbo

Let's talk about ... reading. It's summer, kids, and with booty shorts and Soon Yi's visa renewal comes the Armed and Akimbo book club! First up is a super VIP event tonight for the thrilling new novel American Subversive, which in the span of three caffeine pills takes on the "new" Manhattan scene (do you know where Weehawken is?), the "new" media, domestic terrorism, fabulous department stores and most importantly trashy Meatpacking whores.
The book also reveals bloggers for who we REALLY are: intelligent, inquisitive, enterprising, courageous, unique, talented ... wait where am I?
McNally Jackson
52 Prince St.
7:00 pm

Why read it, when there are oodles of Vogues, Ws, Outs, Interviews, GQs and Butts that demand taloned page-throughs? Well, first and possibly most important, us AnA girls are a tad attracted to the hot author.
David Goodwillie: I'll run spellcheck on YOUR underground fringe group!
Anywho, see you tonight!

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Monday, May 3, 2010

Maggie, Am I Floating?

If so, I'm going to use my Laboutins to pierce whatever balloon is keeping me mid-air so I can fall face down onto this delicious piece!

Johannes, can you hear me?
I like my bird roasted. No wait. Undercooked. Moist. Perhaps a little ... unplucked. With the head attached. Are those ... Swallow? With a nice ... Bearnaise sauce. Thanks, Made in Brazil. Soon Yi is bringing us home early.

Friday, April 30, 2010

Updog Akimbo

Yoga never looked so good. I hate to think how those rocks feel against his manhood, however.

The Fern Is Always Greener

Or Absence of Mallis...

Bespectacled visionary and reality show alum, Fern Mallis is catwalking from IMG to start her own company. The fashion world heaves a collective sigh. Then passes out from the extra exertion.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Feeling Conjugal...

I chased down a baby ostrich, killed it with my bare hands, plucked some ass feathers and threw it on a hat just in time for my wedding to one Ms. Enrique Martin.

He cried tears of joy when he saw me...or that might have been because I videotaped the murder and put it on repeat as a slideshow projected over his head for the entire ceremony.

It was a really beautiful and classy affair.

Some Promises Are Obviously Meant to Be Broken

According to the gals over at Fashionista, Naomi signed a promise not to throw her phone while in the presence of Mama O's audience.

In other news, the body of Gayle King was found stuffed into a Louis Vuitton travel bag with a Blackberry wedged in her forehead. Naomi's people have "no comment."

who dat