Monday, August 31, 2009

August Akimbo

Summer is officially winding down and AnA is getting our proverbial groove back. Our vacation did some number on us, so much that we needed a vacation from said vacation. But now with the fashion world gearing up for yet another hectic season, we thought we’d hunch our way through what we missed this month. Let’s see:

-Vogue continues to bores us with yet another unimaginative cover, featuring one of the most beautiful ladies in the world, and one of the few who can pull of haute couture; so let’s shoot her from the ribs up for one of the smallest September issues in recent memory
Link-Speaking of September issues, The September Issue premiered last Friday and we were treated to Anna Wintour pretending to be human for almost ten whole minutes.

-W, Vogue’s slutty sister publication, treated us to yet another Kate cover, this time fashion’s premier chameleon channels a sexy 70s kittenish look while thrusting in Prada.

-Whitney is BACK!

-Meanwhile, Out continues to vie for best American fashion mag with a brilliant Gaga spread, along with fringed baseball caps in its Shadow Play editorial and an issue near and dear to AnA’s alleged heart, gay dads in the adorable ‘Baby Daddy’

-Though there was no Black Issue to drool and gag over this year, i-D did treat us to this absolutely fierce cover featuring Chanel and Sessilee, (who provide about 90% of the fierceness), paired with Jourdan Dunn, of whose impending pregnancy we do NOT approve, and the hippy Arlenis Sosa, giving their best commercial smiles

-More Gaga, tittytastic in V

-Patron saint of black models, La Campbell, channels her wild side with an insane spread in the uniformly epic September issue of Harper’s, where she races, and presumably wins then eats, a cheetah. She's jumping rope with monkeys and riding a croc bareback...and you wonder why we hate U.S. Vogue;

other highlights include Susan Boyle getting a much needed and deserved makeover;

Aggy wanting to rock with us, channeling MJ in all her glory;

and our fave Gossip Gal, Leighton Meester bravely allowing herself to be aged 30 years – 40 year old Leighton is a fox, by the by

-Speaking of shows we can't wait to premiere in the fall, Glee busted all our windows.

-Sadly, we lost Ted Kennedy and DJ AM recently this month, marking 2009 as perhaps the most tragic year in the world of celebriteƩ since Shakespeare in Love won the Best Picture Oscar 10 years earlier

-And in inconsequential news, PJ Runway debuted…we’re trying to get into it; Sweetface closed…Dereon, you’re next; and the Jennifers Aniston and Lopez (of the above named Sweetface fame) continue to be irrelevant, as seen by their covers of Elle and InStyle, respectively P.S. J'Aniston, what's with the crazy face?

Well, I feel caught up. Let’s snuggle up in Uncle ALT’s great cape and go yell comments at The September Issue then continue screaming to Whitney's "Million Dollar Bill." Can't deny the way that he's making me feel this way about HIS LOOOOOOOOVE! Everyone's back!!!

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Hallowed Be Thy Mane / The Curlin' Vergin' Queen

Yes, it is a Lara moment... But our girl Iris is definitely plotting a royal takeover.

Possibly the best of the new 'V' covers

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Oops-There-Goes-My-Kids-All-Over-Your-Face Akimbo / Top or Bottom?

Kerry Degman & Chad White

Perfection in 2 men, 2 sides, 2 positions, 2 much...

Friday, August 7, 2009

Gay-cation Akimbo

Hey gals and ladies,

It's that time again. It's time for the ladies at Armed and Akimbo to pack up the loft, hop in the BMW and lay idly on the beach for a week of drags, mags and fags. Try not to miss us too much, dearhearts!


Thursday, August 6, 2009

Deja Boo Akimbo

Meet Balenciaga Fall '09, with totally irrelevant and boring Jen Connelly:

Now, let's think back a season ago to MJ's Louis Vuitton campaign with the timeless Madge:

Anyone else experiencing a totally unsatisfying deja vu??

When did Balenciaga become a cheap man's Louis?

I do not see a purse on Ms. Connelly's arched foot... and I am not happy about it.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Oh hi...

Darling, be honest with me. Do I look fat against this ladder? I’ve never had to pose with anything frailer than I am. Even when that cunt Geri Halliwell lost 400 lbs, she still looked like a house in comparison. Just make sure you Photoshop an extra 10 lbs onto this blasted contraption. Give it a double rung, throw it in a muumuu, something for god's sake! I will NOT be upstaged in my own Armani ad. Now, if you'll excuse me, this ponytail isn't going to swing itself.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

R.I.P. Akimbo / Naomi The First


Original black supermodel, Naomi Sims. Stomping down that long runway in heaven.

A life in bone.

Monday, August 3, 2009

LL on Elle [UK] Akimbo

Who loves you? You wanna know who loves ya, Linds? Try these ladies on for size. We get what you're doing -- the whole fame for fame's sake thing good for you -- and have just one suggestion: give us more! More tawdry spray tan product lines. More hilarious self-referential faux-ads. More shitshow. And for the love of God, more lesbianism! Keep up the good work.

who dat