Breakfast at Tiffany's, Bombing at Barney's ... Akimbo

Let's talk about ... reading. It's summer, kids, and with booty shorts and Soon Yi's visa renewal comes the Armed and Akimbo book club! First up is a super VIP event tonight for the thrilling new novel American Subversive, which in the span of three caffeine pills takes on the "new" Manhattan scene (do you know where Weehawken is?), the "new" media, domestic terrorism, fabulous department stores and most importantly trashy Meatpacking whores.
The book also reveals bloggers for who we REALLY are: intelligent, inquisitive, enterprising, courageous, unique, talented ... wait where am I?

McNally Jackson

52 Prince St.
7:00 pm

Why read it, when there are oodles of Vogues, Ws, Outs, Interviews, GQs and Butts that demand taloned page-throughs? Well, first and possibly most important, us AnA girls are a tad attracted to the hot author.

David Goodwillie: I'll run spellcheck on YOUR underground fringe group!

Anywho, see you tonight!

Hunch of the Day // Japanese Jacknife

Maggie, Am I Floating?

If so, I'm going to use my Laboutins to pierce whatever balloon is keeping me mid-air so I can fall face down onto this delicious piece!

Johannes, can you hear me?

I like my bird roasted. No wait. Undercooked. Moist. Perhaps a little ... unplucked. With the head attached. Are those ... Swallow? With a nice ... Bearnaise sauce. Thanks, Made in Brazil. Soon Yi is bringing us home early.

Oh hi....

What do you think of me, streetside, after I deathdropped across the Spring 2010 Chanel couture runway?

Do you like my patent heels? The super blue jeans? The snake of my bag? How about the understated wrapping of my fur? The more dead and tortured souls flung about my impossibly broad-but-bony shoulders, the better, as long as I can use the heads to clasp it all together. What else. How do you find the bang? The bow? The bump? Do you find the gray streak a witty allusion to the typical, sophisticated Chanel customer or a bit overdone? What about my return to the catwalk after being called too-thin by some? To them I say: shut up.

Ann Taylor (sp?) Akimbo

Have you ever found yourself running down Broadway, late for a design consultancy meeting at J. Crew, when suddenly a glimpse of the Ann Taylor window on 9th street makes you trip over your Alexander Wang Fall 2010 black leather dominatrix heel? It happened to us AnA girls just today because of the dumpy-lady's delicious new advertising campaign: young, sunny and most deliciously thigh-high.

Part-time Pink girl and full-time dress size 6 Behati, leaning, sans bold shouldered blazer in sight.

You better work that wall, girl.

Indian model Lakshmi Menon knocks down all sorts of white, boring, Eastern European barriers by landing this big old advertising job. Who was the last dot to carry this sort of photo? Freida Pinto? Any old who, Lakshmi will be the first time ANY Indian will be seen in malls across America. And for that we say: thank you.

Ballin' Akimbo

Nothing gets our blood pumping here in the Akimbo loft as much as ball play, and lord Lagerfeld knows we LOVE Korean Vogue (each issue gets some mileage!), so we squealed with Ricky Martin delight when Ms. Ross found the latest issue in Soon Yi's sensible Fall 2010 Chanel messenger. The latest cute take on croquet and tennis-esque attire: add a long, lacy skirt or run risque with shorts and tall white knee socks.

Evacuate the forest floor!

Come hither, I need a steam press.

Perfect pointed poise!

NOT by Bruce Weber.

Another important note: frothy headpieces and a closed-mouth smile. MMMM! We win!

Buggin' Akimbo

Take a look at the newest girl on the block, and the most shocking thing out of New Jersey ever, Ann Kenny:

We haven't loved a bug-eyed hoofer this much since AnA favorite Masha Tylena opened Christian Dior in Fall 2008. Crazy Kenny opened half the shows this Fall. Plus, she's a slightly cuter half of the Kenny twins. Let's hope this buggin' beauty keeps it up!

Kloss Klan (A)Kimbo

What were you doing when you were 17? Were you, perhaps, going to high school? Maybe you had a part-time job, scooping ice cream at the downtown ice cream parlor? Did you on the weekends drive to the cinema with your "boyfriend?" Or were you like us Akimbo gals, snorting powders off of our first Chanel purses? I'll tell you one thing you sure as Donna Karan hell weren't doing: Hemming and Hawing across Vogue in fabulous frocks, flat-ironed fringe and foward-thinking flip flops!

I'm prettiest when I'm hunching! Eyebrows? The heck with that, I'm Dutch!

Get that wind machine out of my face, please, I'm working this peasant skirt!

My hair is so fun! And pretty!

We love this statuesque teen as if she were our illegitimate Anderson Cooper offspring! Proud!

American Vogue or Shape Magazine? Akimbo

Dear, sweet, hippy Gisele Bundchen-Moynahan-Brady goes commercial for the April Vogue - gone are her Dior days, kids - that included a cover shot. Infuriated, Ms. Ross accidentally swatted Soon Yi in that delicate face as she delivered low-fat Starbucks lattes to the loft. Here's a particularly offensive shot from the "fashion" story inside:

That better be a diet shake.

"I'm coming, Bridget! Fetch!"

Meanwhile, AnA has a bone to pick with photog Patrick Demarchelier, who stole Arthur Elgort's near-iconic shot of Stella Tennant diving into a pool, all 90s and stuff, for this grossity. Here's the Gisele rip-off:

I'm sopping over this infinity edge!

The infinitely more humorous Stella/Arthur original was on view at the Model as Muse exhibit; email us a a picture and win a prize! Soon Yi couldn't find it. Anywho, Gisele's attempt to prove her return to hotness post-enfant en Vogue should be done in Balmain, not bikinis.

Speaking of babies, Anna hasn't loved one since Bee, but loves pregnant chicks in an attempt to show "shapely" women. Gisele may be fat here, but at least her arms are still bone!

My back!

One thing we did like: this outtake from SJP's next Vogue shoot for the Sex and the City Sequel!

FACE Akimbo

AnA's favorite scissoring sister Freja Beha gives us a subtle turn-of-the-head on the latest Italian Vogue cover shot by Mr. Meisel. Under that white lace, diamond earings, and sensible gauze headwrap is a ferocious kitty-eating serpentine.

Oh, hello.

We haven't enjoyed Head this much since ... yesterday, when Anderson Cooper chained us in his Tribeca fire house! Anywho, with those pin thin legs and elegant pursed mouth, we're expecting a lot editorially from this seasoned hoofer! She gives a whole new meaning, after all, to "catwalking."

Can I Take Your Order Akimbo // Subtlety

Welcome to Cafe Gaga. Party of You?

Our specials today are hair phones, razor sunglasses, Beyonce references and our house specialty Baked Ziti by Elton John.

We're trembling in the AnA loft - and not because our recently fired intern Soon Yi left the windows open last night -- in anticipation of Gaga's new video with Beyonce!

Out of My Face Akimbo // Wilting Whities

How did model diversity fare on the New York runways this season? About as well as an Ugg after a slushy snowfall: not at all, and ugly.

The Calvin Klein show dazzled us AnA girls -- we sat front row, two seats from that pre-teen blogging whore and sadly out of clawing range-- with tons of black and muted tones on cool shoulders but no Lyndsey Scott, the New Jersey native who stomped out this Spring as the first black Calvin exclusive. With Shena Moulton in the lineup and 90s supermodels Stella Tenant, Kristen McMenamy and Kristy Hume as muse, we forgive Francisco for his lack of diversity!

Miss Moulton went ponytail-t0-ponytail with 90s supes!

The Row designers dazzled the 176 super-VIP invitees -- Ms. Streisand gave a pity wave to Tila Tequila, shunned outside the venue before she was stoned to death by Grace Coddington -- with an epically minimalistic collection in mostly black that was pieced together by an army of tiny goblin hands.

The clothes were about the only thing black in that room, besides of course the olives floating in Ms. Ross's early morning martini. Pump up the casting! If we see one more wide Eastern European face sneering down a runway, we'll smash Magdalena's.

Kudos to DVF for picking all mannequin types for her cute, flouncy, expectedly wearable presentation. The casting included:

...boring white girls...

...black girls (hey girl hey!)...

...asians...

...blasians...

...blatinasians...

...dots...

...supermodels...

...new girls (who dat?)...

...too many Canadians...

...VS Angels...

...bones...

...fatties...

...perfection caught in a ground-tilted stare...

...and of course Ms. Ross herself, in her singular runway appearance. She knocked Naomi right off the catwalk! Work! Maybe they'll let more ethnics in at Lincoln Center!