Friday, November 14, 2008

Running-Commentary-Akimbo // Glamour Women Of The Year Awards

Hi it's me, Debra Messing, former TV star and onetime red carpet ingenue! Can you take a picture of me with my disposable camera? I have to reapply this eyeliner and dark coal eye makeup because I feel some undeniable urge to make myself look harsher and older.

OMG! It's America! America! That's a really great dress. The neighbors down the hall bought one similar to that for their daughter Amorita's quinceanera. She did her hair like that too! You know, because she wanted to look matronly? But I'm sure yours is nicer than the frocks at Strawberry's! And Bill, you look ravishing in that subdued Isaac Mizrahi.

Wow. Connie, you look great, and kudos! Having starred for years and years as a sitcom hag, I know SO much about "coming out," and nothing works better than a blunt haircut and toned biceps.
Buffy! Watch out! Unsheathe your stake from your Chanel clutch and drive it through the heart of the creature from the other, unflatteringly-beaded dimension!

Sigh. Maybe someday I'll be in my mid-20s again ... an effortlessly chic and respectable movie star with an Oscar nomination ... instead of a flame-haired Emmy-winner slumming it for USA Networks.
Not sure what happened to you Renee, but it's time to lose the Bridget Jones look and run back to Chicago boot camp STAT.

Tee-hee! Look at that romantic moment! In both! You know she's clenching it ALL over for these two. Don't think that because us Americans voted in a black guy, you can go around hugging black people! You didn't do shit! Now relax your face and drop your cheekbones, you're scaring the baby.

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