Side-stepping and posing right out of 1981! If only that skirt were actually a legging, we could perhaps salvage this look. That and if you were accompanied by Laura Brannigan's "Gloria" wherever you went.
How can we put this lightly? Your boobs are kind of gross...we tried. We still love and live for you, though.
Holly Hunter in Reem Acra
We applaud your daring choice of color, Holly, and we're also a bit turned on by your massive guns. Madge better watch her mannish back.
Oooh la la, gam alert. You're like the sexiest librarian we know, Tina. Keep being you.
Love a cascading ruffle.
Taraji P. Henson in Hervé L. Leroux
Body-conscious was the theme of the night and normally we don't go ga-ga over the fairer sex, but, dammit, the figure is flawless.
Look at our little princess and how she's grown. You're on a winning streak, Hathy. Obviously not awards-wise, but as long as you look better than everyone else, who cares, right? Right?
Yeah, we know you didn't expect to win, and really, neither did we, but we're glad you at least brought out that magnificent, "greatest living actress" clavicle.
Asymmetrical, COLOR, and poise. And starring as Michelle Obama in the inevitable Obama biopic starring Will Smith -- give it a rest already -- Ms. Viola Davis.
Teri Hatcher in Monique Lhuilier
We know you try so hard, Teri but this time you actually pulled it off -- diaphanous with yet another asymmetrical shoulder. If you could only tone down that joker grin, we could almost see falling in love with you...almost.
Les Jolie-Pitts, Ma Azria and Tom Ford
Didn't Angelina used to be interesting and sexy and just a bit dangerous? This whole matronly look is boring, safe and would look better on a woman twice your age and half your crazy. The Oscars are a month away and until then we'll be here if you need us.
Kate Cruise in Jil Sander
Now this is how you do hot, young Hollywood wife/mother and this bitch isn't even nominated. Or even an actress.