Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Model as Museum: The Met Ball

The what's that of fashion came out in droves for the Costume Institute's Gala, celebrating the Metropolitan Museum's latest exhibit, Model as Muse. AnA didn't feel particularly inspired by the red carpet, but then again we were in Morocco enjoying the pleasures of beautiful underage youths in solidarity with Linda, Naomi and Christy. No one slights Alaia on our watch. Though the event couldn't compare to last year's Superheroes (hi, Anna with ram horns at her hip...too good), we certainly welcomed seeing some of the great models of yesteryear and today trotted out for public consumption. A few highlights:

Really? 85 cycles of Top Model and this is all we get from you? At least throw Badgley on top of Mischka, hit an awkward angle and give us a growl, but make it fashion.

Well she's no Michelle O, but there's only one way to go once hitting the top, huh, Jason Wu? Didn't think you'd hit rock bottom so quickly, though.

Sessilee Lopez, stunning in Zac Posen. You. Own. Everything.

And giving us Power Gay Realness, Ms. Tom Ford.

Oh, Winnie. We remember you being better than this. But then again, we remember a lot of things that never existed. Oh the 70s.

Vicki Becks, Posing 101: Hunch, extend a bony branch and just think of how much better your life is than everyone else's. Click!

That's right, put your tiny little Thai head on my giant Eastern European rib cage. Listen closely and you can hear the ocean.

Sasha giving us old Hollywood glamour and new Hollywood tranny face.

Raquel Zimmerman, who apparently fell head first into a vat of acid prior to coming to the Met, looks inconsequential betwixt heartthrobs Lazaro and Jack of Porenza Schouler. Le sigh.

Paulina Porizkova in the arms of a Car.

There are two sorts of people in this world. The Ashleys and the Mary Kates. AnA whole-heartedly supports the Mary Kates: independent, vivacious and more than likely, half in the (coke) bag.

All right, who let grandma into the medicine cabinet?

We've made no qualms about giving preferential treatment to Leighton Meester over Blake Lively here at the AnA loft. And this just confirms it since Meester looks like a refugee from Wonderland and clearly doesn't care.

-Haha! I've got the Xanax in my clutch!
-And I've got the Jack in my cleav!
-And I'm not wearing panties! Thank you for being a friend!

This gam's seen more steps than a Broadway chorus line, but even with a brace I can still make a damn entrance. Get a look at this, fellas!

And I'm backlit. Caress the gine, lift the chin, smile with the bangs, and I'm ready.

A man tux on a lady, always a classic look. Work, Lake Bell.

-This staircase is tripping me the fuck out.
-I told you not to drop those tabs before we came.
-Look, Marc, I'm glad you're all clean, good for you, good luck with that and whatever, but I don't need you raining on my parade. Now grab my ass and keep your Chelsea beard shut.

Alleged heterosexual Kanye West loves his custom LV tux almost as much as he loves himself. Almost.

Iman is the greatest person ever according to Guiness. And by Guiness we clearly mean that drunk drag queen who tried to rob us last weekend. We had to cut a bitch.

-Psst. Meet me in the bathroom in thirty minutes?
-Which one of us, Diane?
-...darling. Both. And bring Tony's butt plug, I forgot mine in the limo.

Former model, former actress and former Hugh Grant beard, Liz Hurley, had one of the loveliest looks of the night in red carpet regular, Elie Saab.

That's it, Ed, look completely disinterested. It only turns us on more.

-Haha! I don't know where I am!
-Haha! Me neither! Let's go heckle Donna Karen!

La Mole still has it. And girl can pull off turquoise, unlike...

Brooke. You're one tuck away from Drag Race Season 2.

Nice lifts, Bono.

Dear Justin Timberlake. Stop trying so hard. Love, AnA. Oh, and leash your dog.

60s, Bardot, glam. Are those cheekbones new, Ms. Hathaway? Either way, loving.

And perfection takes the form of Alek Wek clad in fuchsia.

Aggy dear, flawless. We're loving the bombshell hair and who's that little man? Oh, Twiggy. Well, that's just unfortunate...though you two make a lovely couple.

And finally, to leave this post on a high note. AnA's patron saint/illegitimate father and all-around muckety muck, ALT in signature great cape. What you don't see are the three rentboys sucking him off underneath it all. The cape, much like everything in fashion, has its purpose.

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