What? The hair? No, I’m not waiting around for a show or photoshoot. I was just on my way to Key Food to buy some pads and half a Hostess cake, because unlike some former it-girls, I still get my period. Sure, it only comes once in a blue moon, but you don’t see me complaining about it. I’m 19 and making money out my ass, who needs to shed the lining of their uterus when you’re jet-setting all over the world, wearing hate couture and generally being nauseatingly fabulous? Not I, said the Lopez. Give me Uncle Karl over Aunt Flo, any day. Now if you’d excuse me, I need to chew then spit out a Lil Debbie. Ciao.