By now I'm sure you've all heard that Her Madgesty, Madonna Louise, will be the new face of Louis Vuitton, another in a long line of celebrities that have been featured in the superbrand's campaigns. So can Madge measure up? Well, let's take a look at what she has to compete against.
Uma
Scarlett
Keith
And the best of them all, La Lopez
That's right, sit on that shoulder, and BAG!
Arch your back, suck it in, claw claw CLAW!
And we're gagging him, the bag's in your crotch, now do that sexy squint thing...
Leg up! 45 degree angle, sell the heel and the bag!
That's right, out of my way, I've got a fashion emergency, find your light!
Alien. Done.
Vaguely androgynous, extend that neck, shove his face away because he's a commoner!
Yeah, Madonna's got some big, pink-heeled stiletto ankle boots to fill, but with her marriage nearly officially over, the old girl's got something to prove. What, no one really knows or cares, but I'm sure she'll prove it to us, whether we want her to or not.
Irene Dunne
I could go on and on about how they don't make 'em like this anymore--A-list cast, director and script, stunning gowns, pitch perfect comedic timing, etc, etc--but you should see it for yourself then marvel at the fact that no one is really witty or clever anymore.
And here they are just tucked into the corner of U.S. Vogue's May 2007 cover. Of all the "new supermodels" on said cover, these three, Agyness (natch), Chanel and Coco, have really earned it. Thoughts?
Kate Hepburn
You'll gag.
Wisftul and gamine for Armani
Brunette and seductive for Armani
Like showing up to Glamour's Women of the Year event pulling off a demure, unflattering black Gucci gown but still smiling with my eyes, so as to appear appreciative and mature, as opposed to totally OMG super excited at the fact that my tampons and drag queen parade loosely referred to as a talk show puts me on the same pedestal as the Secretary of State and that monkey lady. You've come a long way, lady. Remember, sultry not slutty. I'm just going to keep this hand perched ever so lightly on my hip, a little industry trick to take off a good two pounds. Now if I only had eight more hands...
Trump and wife, sharing more than a bed. Same plastic surgeon, or same bad fish for dinner?
