Thursday, April 30, 2009

Hallowed Be Thy Mane / Golden Girl

She'a no Bea... but it helps us get through the mourning.

Tribeca Skyline Akimbo // Brazilian

Have you visited the Tribeca Skyline Studios tucked away on Hudson Street? It's divine, a photo studio and occasional party spot. Amazing views of downtown Manhattan, a full and free bar, a DJ, and a hip little crowd. Last night was a blur of Brazilian beats, capoeira, the sass of Samba and of course impromptu fashion shoots! It reminds AnA of our days as Irving Penn's muse! Here's an example of the well-heeled debauchery a couple martinis in:

Don't Miss Ross and Miss Streisand look impeccable! AnA is NOT afraid of a headdress! WORK!

"I Think My Favorite Time Was When I Was A Muse for Yves Saint Laurent"

Bones of the Roundtable

There's nothing like a good old-fashioned model caucus to bring the claws out. Oldest living supermodel, Lauren Hutton presides over the action like the queen mother she is; Iman is perfection incarnate, per usual; but Top Model judge Paulina Porizkova simply hates everyone.

She thinks girls start modeling too young, which is probably true, and that she was in the best period for modeling as there were no superstars. A comment for which Naomi was strangely absent (by the way, where the hell was Naomi for most of this roundtable? "Powdering" her nose? We know they didn't just cut her out of the frame. 3 to 1 Naomi had to jet off to something better about five minutes in. Any takers?).

However, in American Vogue's May issue, where one can find the report on this roundtable, Paulina expounds on that statement, saying that "if you were not part of the clique you were definitely left out." Naomi, of course disagrees, citing how supportive it was being friends with a group of girls, to which Paulina replies: "You were in a clique, Naomi."

No, Paulina. She was in the clique.


Naomi goes on to say that Linda and Christy would not work some shows if they didn't let her walk, which helped La Campbell become one of the biggest models, black, white, yellow or whatever have you, ever. Maybe cliques wouldn't be so bad. Imagine if Karlie and Caroline refused to walk unless Sessilee and Jourdan were cast? Bring back the model tribes!

And as for you, Paulina, we don't hold anything against you. You were amazing in your heyday, but obviously it smarts being left out of the popular girl's table at lunch. And this certainly hasn't help matters either. Which hurts most? The former supermodel jab or being kicked off a show you never wanted to be on in the first place? If you want our advice, run to Mama Ty Ty. She knows all about being snubbed by Naomi.

Los Mas Bellos Akimbo

Te Quiero? People en Espanol delivers a cute story of pretty Latin stars dressed as iconic film favorites. Our favorites include Ricky Martin's booty as Marlon Brando and Eva Longoria's spot-on Audrey Hepburn pose.
AnA wonders if Senor Martin would look as comfortable holding that long phallus as Eva does!

Because the Last Belvedere Party Was Awesome Akimbo

Only the fabulous and fun are invited to Belvedere's pop-up shindigs! We are frankly tipsy with excitement to attend this one with AnA's go-to party gal. Last time around, AnA approached a gentleman in band member attire! How chic. See you there!

Madcap Modeling Akimbo

This video has been circulating around the web for a few days, but we've been in a tab bit much of a gimlet haze to comment. Here it is, model Natasa V performing for Terry Richardson in the way all photo shoots should be.

Purple #11 from Purple Magazine on Vimeo.

Girl gone crazy! AnA approves the floor-smacking, snarling and spinning. Work!

Hunch Of The Day // Hairy Hypnotic

Gays Akimbo

Here at the AnA loft we typically eschew the political -- we're saving ourselves for when we marry rich politicians -- in favor of dramatic neon palettes; but lately we cannot help ourselves from turning on this "CNN!" First, a lesbian named Johanna Sigurtdottir was elected as head of Iceland! Here she celebrates in a sturdy-looking white ivory vest:

Then the gays are one step closer to homo-marriage in New Hampshire! This on the stunning heels of Vermont's upgrade from civil unions to equal rights. To celebrate, here is a picture of Carla Bruni-Sarkozy and some princess foreshadowing AnA's future as hot, tight-bodied First Ladies!

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Heidi Klum to Nina Garcia: Shady Pines Ma!

Well this is a bit distressing. We here at the AnA loft are a little perplexed about the Weinstein Co.'s decision to move Project Runway to Lifetime, hence our quizzical hunches around the vodka cooler. Now, don' get us wrong, no one loves their Lifetime more than the gays, but the channel has never been, shall we say, cool. Their show line-up consists mostly of old shows that people love and newer shows that no one could give a pair of orange Crocs about. Add to that the fact that they've recently lost their golden luster to The Hallmark Channel and the move doesn't quite inspire our confidence. Is this a sign that Runway's tickety tack tranny days are numbered or that Lifetime is stepping up its proverbial game to appeal to a younger, hipper, gayer (if that's at all possible) demographic?

PJ Runway, long the jewel of Bravo's princess tiara, helped propel the channel to what it is today: a big ole gay wet dream with such fagtastic hits as The Real Housewives of Orange County, New York, Atlanta and most recently, New Jersey. Before La Klum first stomped down the catwalk in 2004 and Auf'd her first wannabe couturier, Bravo was vaguely artsy fartsy. Since then, however, it has dropped all of its pretension and most of its dignity with one reality show after another. As a result, its ratings and pop culture appeal have soared. Perhaps Lifetime hopes that Klum and Co. will do the same for them, or maybe the Weinsteins just got a better deal and expect their loyal viewers to remain loyal. After all, where else will we get our dishy dose of drama in the high-waisted, high pressure world of fashion? Where, I ask you?

By the way, the previews for The Fashion Show literally put us to bed last night. They even tucked us in and shut out the light. Competition is the new black. Really? As much as we LOVE Isaac, and acknowledge Kelly Rowland's minor contributions to Destiny's Child, we're not quite sold yet. Stay tuned, kids.

Icon of the Week: Choice Sophie

No Hat Too Big: The Sophia Loren Story

Besides being perhaps the most beautiful woman in the world like, ever, Oscar winner and all-around GMILF Sophia Loren has style pouring out of her flawless skin.

She can pull off anything and does so with her trademark glamour and sophistication. Not to mention homegirl has a septuagenarian body that just won't quit.

If there's any actress working today who even comes close to her ethereal beauty, it would have to be her Nine co-star and recent trophy snatcher, Pepe Cruz.

So good.

P.S. Speaking of Nine, how amazing is that cast, with the exception of Fergie who for some reason continus to someone.

Hair in Face Akimbo

Sorry to be MIA today; with bated breathe AnA attended Tyra Banks' testimony at her stalker's trial. The fool followed Ty-Ty baby around New York! Here's our girl hustling out of the courthouse in a belted sundress. Stunning:

Nothing like a real star in giant glasses leaving a courthouse; it never gets tired!

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Hallowed Be Thy Mane / Bang Me!

Oh hi...Supermodel Smackdown

-You're looking typically bland.
-Well, what look are you going for dear, gypsy, tramp of thief?
-I think you've got the market cornered on tramps.
-Oh? And who was that little person you were posing with in Vogue?
-We're good friends, Tyga and I.
-Friends? Bitch please. Fashion has no sympathy or empathy.
-Auditioning to be a judge on Top Model...or a contestant.
-I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you, your outfit is too loud.
-Oh, look, it's my dear friend, Beyoncé. Excuse me, I have someone real to talk to.
-Real? The only thing real between the two of you is the horse you stole your weaves from.
-Love you.

Hunch Of The Day // Candle Cradle

Be Discovered Akimbo

The notice of V Magazine's star-making model search has sped through the fashion world. What unknown teenage face will follow in the steps of Amanda Laine to become the next It girl?

Always Tilda Akimbo

AnA loves our random fabulous nights out on the town! First, we hoofed it to the Universal Pictures private theater for an advanced screening of Jim Jarmusch's upcoming film "Limits of Control." Godard and French New Wave references aside, most of the movie can be summarized with this screenshot of Tilda Swinton, who wins it all with wig, bang, and most importantly, cheekbones:

Then, AnA couldn't pass up Posh Bar's ninth birthday party; we're neither sushi fans nor Hells Kitchen regulars, but our girl DJ Cazwell made it fun with some hot disco beats and unexplained trays of fish. Congrats to the bar! We looked for Cazwell collaborator and Drag Race winner Bebe Zahara Benet, but no sight of the leopard clad belle. See you tomorrow night at the Tribeca Skyline party!

Queen Latifah Approves Akimbo

Our favorite high-fashion drag queens swagger in the latest Russian Vogue, vamping with pursed lips backstage at the Victorias Secret show in the tradition of former VS girl Tyrone. No words necessary; just enjoy.

Monday, April 27, 2009

Smack My Bitch Up Akimbo

Obsessed killed at the box office and took in what movie "experts" called a "surprising" opening amount by slapping down over $28 million in ticket sales. Why so popular? Maybe it was the weaves, the fighting and the hair pulling? Oh, and executive producer/star Beyonce. Anyway, AnA LOVED the movie. Give her an Oscar!

Spanish Linebacker Akimbo

Someone took to Carmen Kass' glorious mane in May's Spanish Vogue with a bottle of hairspray and a round brush to achieve the sort of blown up hair and exaggerated shoulders that really personifies 1980s power glam.

Love a sneer and a cigarette. Also love that this sort of power suiting can be rendered chic in black.

In The News // Balducci's Akimbo

Balducci's, the high-end gourmet supermarket, closed both locations in New York City this weeknd in an ominous death knell for the overpriced and delicious world of grocery and prepared foods. Where will Dolly purchase $13 rotisserie chickens for AnA to nibble? Here are the fabulous remnants of the Chelsea location:

You know the economy is tumbling when the Chelsea gays, West Village homos and Meatpacking fashionistas end superfluous spending in favor of cutting back!

Mourning Akimbo...Thank You for Being a Friend


AnA is devastated this morning at the loss of our favorite Golden Girl, Beatrice Arthur. What can we say...she was too young to go. But let us remember happier times, times of drop-waists, giant Chanel earrings, and a slouchy boot. Time for a musical trip down memory lane--driving with the top dow--to a little town known as Miami.

We love you Bea.

Friday, April 24, 2009

Hunch Of The Day // Fisherman Feat

Mattachine Akimbo!

Last night AnA and friend went to director John Cameron Mitchell's fabulous monthly dance party called Mattachine, in the West Village, where crazy ensembles on an A-list crowd were the fashion mot de la nuit; us girls frocked ourselves similiar to below:

Punk tights paired with fun tops and lots of hoofin'! Our designer duds were complimented with amazing accessories by the Akimbo Approved line Melissa Melissa. We'll get you the details on this brand new label ASAP; after all, who doesn't want sequined glasses with fur and beading?

High Fashion Tiiu Commercial!

Model Tiiu Kuik made her career at the agency Major Models, which landed the Estonian not only amazing editorial but also high-profile, huge-money commercial jobs. All before she reached the age of 18. Her agent quit Major, landed a job at rival agency Marilyn, and soon Tiiu followed suit. The allure of Marilyn is its reputation as a very high fashion agency; Major is famously less "couture." The other day AnA saw Tiiu's latest dewy-eyed Cover Girl commercial while getting our fix, and we wondered: has she gone the high end route at all?

Quelle surprise! Here's all 6'1" of her hunching across the latest L'Officiel. New wave? More like an old horse reinvented at 22. You better work!

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Mouthed and Agape / Devour That Flower

Things We'd Squat On Akimbo // Andres V

Honestly, we lose faith in magazines sometimes. The repeated themes, the safe styling, the same faces over again; it creases with worry many a well-moisturized brow here in the AnA loft. Then across our desk trots this month's Spanish Vanity Fair.

Now THIS is how I want things done! Banana Republic face Andres V? Check. Naked sensualitas Eugenia Silva and Nieves Alvares bending and crouching all over his stuff? Check. A nip, two pairs of bared buttocks, and assorted caressing? Done, done and DONE. Trust the Spanish to know how to work, this is what I want from now on! You hear me Anna?

You ARE Worth It Akimbo ... Chinese.

With April showers comes the May Chinese Vogue, which serves up an editorial of Du Juan with her mouth open on EVERY page. AnA adores a red lip, parted gently, a cropped cut arranged messily, flashes of unexpected vermillion. It makes us remember those hazy nights at the Cubby Hole!

who dat