Thursday, July 30, 2009

Bun in the Dunn

Let's hope this springs back into shape in record time

Looks like professional bone and history-making cover model, Jourdan Dunn, is knocked up. Five and a half months knocked up, at that!

We here at AnA wish her the best of luck. It's not easy to take a break at 19, so close to perfection and supermodeldom just because the damn condom broke. Bold move, Dunn. Bold move, indeed. Congrats on the brat!

P.S. This never would happen with one Chanel Iman. Of course, she hasn't had her period in like 10 yers, but we digress.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Boyfriend of the Day / God Bless America

Ricky Berens - gold medalist, Olympic swimmer...flasher...and completely our new obsession. Despite ripping his suit, he still finished the race, thus qualifying the US for whatever the hell it needs to be qualified for.

Usually the only gold we're concerned with has to do with trophies or lamé, but for him, we can stand to watch ESPN. That's a real channel, right?

Shilling Diva Akimbo

Oh MJB. You've been through hell and back and are more of a diva than that wide-hipped Sasha could ever hope to be.

Let's all just enjoy this lesson in FIERCE and ATTITUDE disguised as an AT&T commercial, shall we?

The last split second -- a close-up of the Queen of Hip Hop Soul wearing giant doorknockers and giant shades under a flawless hood -- is simply to die for. AnA always loves a Grace Jones reference.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Brazilian Vogue Akimbo // It's Viviane Orth It

Loving two things about this. First, Brazilian Vogue; which is an oxymoron considering it's practically from the Third World. Give me a spread with Naomi Campbell running to her capoeira class in giant thigh highs and through the slums of Sao Paolo, and then we'll believe it. Second, Viviane Orth; Seven pounds, eight feet tall, and working old-lady cardigans belted like we learned five years ago, she hoofs, heels, hops and hunches all over. It's like she's been doing this since she was a pre-teen. Oh wait; she has!

Teaching AnA how to wear a ladylike layered lambswool! Well played!

Covers Akimbo // En Français?

Inez and Vinoodh provide another cover of French Vogue this month, with a headline celebrating "80s Looks," but the duo fail to celebrate the 80s or anything in general with a fairly bland, head-on shot of Daria Werbowy. Sorry, I + V; if you're going to keep giving us the same cheekbones on the same magazine with those arms raised AGAIN--

-- then just forget it and give us something worthy of the Met. Slightly off-center, with a naturally ethnically ambiguous cocked eyebrow, Janice delivers from the 80s the sort of cover French Vogue should aim for, instead of a watered down version sans any punch.

Other, less aged magazines keep giving us great images --this month, instead try Numero Tokyo for Eva Herzigova in what AnA calls a COLLAR made of LACE. Tilt it and pout!


Octegenarian Ladies Lovin' Ladies

DiDi von Furstenberg and Glory Vanderbilt need to get a room. At any point I expected them to strip down, oil up and start bumping clits.

"I remember seeing you at a party and you were with Richard Gere (who for some reason is pictured with a toothy Ms. Ross) and you were so beautiful and I remember thinking how extraordinary and beautiful she [Diane] is." --GV

"I was looking at Gloria as the woman across the room. And the woman across the room is always so glamorous and divine and so great and I guess that, in a sense, for you, I was the woman across the room." -- DVF

Apparently, they didn't get to cross the room and start the heavy petting until little Andy Coops introduced them.

That silver fox...always building bridges.

You must watch this clip of women --not just any women, of course, superwomen, really -- beyond a certain age, talking about fucking as openly as gays at a liquid brunch. It's disturbing, amazing and kind of hot.

Monday, July 27, 2009

Friday, July 24, 2009

The Fashion Show v. PJ Runway: Round 1

Bravo aired the second part of The Fashion Show finale last night and crowned Anna the winner based on viewer’s votes. As the whole point of this show was “Real fashion for real people” (snore), Anna was the obvious choice. Her clothes throughout the season were very wearable and covetable:

Plus, she featured an AnA staple, the shoulder bow.

Though her collection was not the most cohesive, that honor goes to supercunt Daniella, it was definitely the most mainstream and marketable. We can see ourselves in any of these pieces from her final show...except perhaps that jersey dress, unless, that is, it was cinched with a say-something belt:


The aforementioned supercunt was the judge’s choice for her young, “edgy”, fashion-forward aesthetic. It's a little punk, it's a little new wave, it's definitely very now:

Though a bit rough around the edges, it was a good collection, and despite her supercuntiness, Daniella is a talented designer. That she’s only 22 bodes well for her future. Also, Editrix-in-Chief of Bazaar, Glenda Bailey, promised—on camera no less—to hook Daniella up with some designers to assist her in her career so...mission accomplished, bitch.

Our favorite collection, by far, though, was that of the adorable pocket designer, James-Paul. Not only one of our faves from the get-go, his collection was the most thought-out, was the best-executed and was really more than one could hope from a reality show.

Based on the idea of indigenous people dressing for the modern world, or something along those lines, the soft-spoken James-Paul came closest of the final three to delivering high fashion.

That he was the least favorite among the audience is not surprising since his work has polarized both viewers and judges since day one, except for his first, challenge-winning look, which incidentally sold out on Bravo’s website.

Now that the first season of The Fashion Show is over, we can all wait with baited breath for the return of the champ: Project Runway. The Fashion Show didn’t really give PJ Runway much of a run for its money, though the former’s final collections were as good as anything Runway’s done. Will Heidi and Co. disappoint, or was Sir Isaac just a warm-up for the main show?

I guess we'll have to wait until next month. But for now, the line has been drawn in the sand. A line of coke, yes, but a line nonetheless.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Oh hi...

Hello America!

As the original black Barbie, I feel it my duty, nay, my privilege…no, my duty…definitely duty…to be a role model for young girls everywhere. Be they thin, or slim, svelte or trim, I want to touch on all corners of society…just as long as they don’t touch me back.

However, I am strictly for display. If you open the package and mess up my hair, this lady's going to sing the blues all over your fucking face. This is a Bob Mackie.
Sequined bodysuit, spare wigs, faceless back-up singers and Michael Jackson’s illegitimate children sold separately.

Mouthed and Agape / A Trinity of Tongues

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Anniversary Akimbo // Black Biotch!

Remember the 'Black Issue' of Italian Vogue?

It sent the fashion world aflutter and AnA will never forget the epic snarling and hopping of the ferocious Sessilee Lopez and Mr. Meisel's commentary on race. Well, the issue broke out one year ago. In honor of that issue, which continues to sell well at magazine stores, take a look at the editor's hilarious July 2009 supplement: a hilarious homage to Black Barbie! AnA celebrates this landmark with our favorite story: Champagne Furs, starring Toccara's enormously gorgeous breasts!

Hunch Of The Day // Backstage Beauty

Rant Akimbo

Can't we all just get along? Fabulously?

I don’t like to step up on my soapbox usually, unless it’s for an impromptu musical rendition of Genet’s The Maids, but I was just so disappointed after reading this article and its subsequent reader comments that I had to set the music aside. Albeit briefly.

There’s a lot of inequality in this country. Hell, inequality and hypocrisy are the foundations of this great nation. The only way to combat these seedy elements is through understanding and mutual action. We must all want equality and understand its necessity in a civilized world. That some people don’t see this to this day is troubling, but understandable. After all, 71% of Republicans would vote for this woman for President come next election.

There’s an obvious, rampant lack of knowledge in this country.

But why, in a world where seemingly anything is possible – hi – is the idea of freedom and equality not a reality? There are too many answers and not any of them are good enough. It’s simply human nature (why…why?) to oppress and to destroy, to hate and to fear the unknown or the different.

However, strides against human nature have proved effective over the years – the blacks can vote, the gays can reign o’er their own parade, TRANNIES (YAY!) – but there’s still so much work to be done. None of it will get accomplished, though, if there is no cooperation.

To compare one civil rights movement – the Blacks – to another – the Gays – is detrimental to both movements and, let’s put the cards on the table, just fucking stupid.

Does it matter who’s suffered more, who’s been around longer, who hates The Man more? That’s not the point. The point is there is injustice in society and that is completely unacceptable. It’s a shame that blacks and gays seemingly can’t see eye to eye. It’s down right tragic that these insignificant differences – skin color, sexual preference, et al — have a bearing on the worth of a human being.

Personally, as a member of both communities, I can’t stand either of them. I’ve never felt a part of one or the other nor do I want to. Black people can often be intolerant and the gays can quite often be racist. And unapologetically so. If you’ve ever seen online profiles with “no blacks, no fats, no femmes, no Asians” you’d understand.

To hell with both of them, I say!

I now identify with one, and only one, minority and it’s the only one that matters: the Fierce. We are a proud, wise people – a nation with no geographic boundaries, a rhythm nation, if you will – who don’t ask for your acceptance or your charity. We just ask you get the fuck out of our way when we’re stalking down the street in a vintage sequined halter-bodysuit.

Now, having gotten that off my bony chest, let the music play!


Cuz it's all natural.

Short, saucy summer styling by the Fierce Lady. Mrs. O brought out the new bob for a country concert at the White House. Who says black folks don't like the honky tonk? Hell give me some Sugarland or that divine Allison Kraus any day of the week.

How great is this look, though? It's fresh, it's classic, it's young, but not trying too hard. The country might be going down the pooper, but at least we can revel in a well-timed and well-trimmed bob.

who dat