Monday, March 29, 2010

In Other News, the World's Not Flat...

Ricky Martin, that bastion of heterosexual bon-bon shaking and purveyor of la vida loca, has come out as a big ole manlover. I, for one, am shocked. SHOCKED. Let's take a stomp down memory runway and see how we ended up here, shall we?

There she is. Queer it all began. Though only a young Latina, Ricky was already well on her way to fag superstardom, popping out of that background in that bright yellow T.

Fame, as well as these flowing locks, soon followed via gurney onto General Hospital.

Flash forward to her big breakthrough, leading the Latin Explosion. And like everyone else from said explosion, his career was lost somewhere in the resulting rubble.

From one queen to another.

La Martin soon began to pair his gay face with gay hair and gay beard, of the non-Aniston variety.

The look on his face says it all: "Who am I fooling?"

Then the inevitable happened and Ricky got knocked up. The final step for the gay of a certain age who wants to stop having sex in public bathrooms and (re-)create the family from which they were insensitively excluded.

Then this happened. Nothing out of the ordinary. Just two heterosexual friends...who look like that...doing yoga on the speedos...yeah, the closet door pretty much fell off the hinges at this point.

Congrats, Lady Martin! It's about time. Good for you for taking that important (though rather unnecessary) stilettoed-step.

Thursday, March 25, 2010


I've been over Baptiste Giabiconi for a while. I get it, you're fucking Karl Lagerfeld, join the club.
But here she is giving her best Gaga drag and my interest is suddenly reawakened.

Sure, he looks a little (uncharacteristically) mannish, but no more so than the genuine article.
Other icons filtered through the Giabiconi lens include Prince, Jim Morrison and 50 Cent.

Again, in drag.

Why not? Strip him down and leave him for dead in 1971.

I love his commitment in donning drag for Gaga and wish he had shown similar commitment for Fiddy. As we all know, black face is always hilarious.

Buggin' Akimbo

Take a look at the newest girl on the block, and the most shocking thing out of New Jersey ever, Ann Kenny:

We haven't loved a bug-eyed hoofer this much since AnA favorite Masha Tylena opened Christian Dior in Fall 2008. Crazy Kenny opened half the shows this Fall. Plus, she's a slightly cuter half of the Kenny twins. Let's hope this buggin' beauty keeps it up!

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

One More Shoe to Prance Her

Isabel Toledo is collaborating with Payless to create an affordable *cough* cheap *cough* line of shoes and bags.

Now, Payless being the big-footed girl on a budget’s dream, I can only hope the Toledo heels will come in at least a size 12 (though preferably a 12W or 13) so I can stuff my giant pontoons into them.

Sadly, the line won’t be ready until September, meaning I’ll have to go with my original choices to P-Town this year. But they aren’t too shabby. What do you think, dear reader(s)?

I think this for a good day heel. A simple black patent leather pump to stroll along the cobblestone streets in.

For the beach, I'm thinking one of these numbers. The plaid is really calling my name, but I feel the black lends itself to more outfit possibilities? Anyone? Beuller?

I'm praying to Gaga this hooded sandal is in my size as the last time I checked, the largest they had was a 9. I could barely fit a toe into that.

Afternoons will be spent teetering about drunkenly in these cute little numbers while I do laps in a comfortable romper.

I know I'm a little heavy on the black (insert racist joke here) but you can't go wrong with a slingback and how fun are those little gold studs?

And finally, the moneymaker. Hot red with a demure 4" heel. These shall be evacuating any and all dancefloors. Paired with a white lace bodysuit, this will surely turn heads while I am surely turning IT.

Payless sure has come a long way from the Star Jones collection. To bad the same can't be said for Mr. Jones himself.

Real designers are actually in on the fun now! Doesn't it feel good?

Tuesday, March 23, 2010


Strange Bedfellows?

T magazine editor, Stefano Tonchi is moving up in the alphabet, or down depending on how you read it, to edit W. Though we -- nor anyone, really -- have never paid much attention to the T. Aside from a Julianne Moore poke her face,that is.

But W! W has been a favorite of we AnA girls since...well, we were little AnA boys. They have featured some of our favorite editorials ever. Brad and Angie giving Aniston the middle finger. Naomi giving the world the middle finger. And more recently, Linda Evangelista giving the recession the middle finger.

Tonchi claims he wants to make the mag more "accessible" (so vague, or rather Vogue of a word) and
"more of a general-interest style magazine, and less of a fashion-obsessed publication."

Kill me.

Who cares about accessibility (besides Si Newhouse of course)? W is the high fashion (more or less) equivalent of American Vogue. Sparring hunch to hunch, exposed nip to exposed nip with the far superior European oversized titles.

Not to mention, W is one of the few American mags that still puts models on its covers...

An end of yet another fashion era? Perhaps. I don't like to jump to conclusions, unless said conclusions include an open bar, so we'll see what Tonchi has in store. Expectations, though, are admittedly low.

Friday, March 19, 2010

Kloss Klan (A)Kimbo

What were you doing when you were 17? Were you, perhaps, going to high school? Maybe you had a part-time job, scooping ice cream at the downtown ice cream parlor? Did you on the weekends drive to the cinema with your "boyfriend?" Or were you like us Akimbo gals, snorting powders off of our first Chanel purses? I'll tell you one thing you sure as Donna Karan hell weren't doing: Hemming and Hawing across Vogue in fabulous frocks, flat-ironed fringe and foward-thinking flip flops!

I'm prettiest when I'm hunching! Eyebrows? The heck with that, I'm Dutch!

Get that wind machine out of my face, please, I'm working this peasant skirt!

My hair is so fun! And pretty!
We love this statuesque teen as if she were our illegitimate Anderson Cooper offspring! Proud!

Thursday, March 18, 2010

American Vogue or Shape Magazine? Akimbo

Dear, sweet, hippy Gisele Bundchen-Moynahan-Brady goes commercial for the April Vogue - gone are her Dior days, kids - that included a cover shot. Infuriated, Ms. Ross accidentally swatted Soon Yi in that delicate face as she delivered low-fat Starbucks lattes to the loft. Here's a particularly offensive shot from the "fashion" story inside:
That better be a diet shake.
"I'm coming, Bridget! Fetch!"

Meanwhile, AnA has a bone to pick with photog Patrick Demarchelier, who stole Arthur Elgort's near-iconic shot of Stella Tennant diving into a pool, all 90s and stuff, for this grossity. Here's the Gisele rip-off:
I'm sopping over this infinity edge!

The infinitely more humorous Stella/Arthur original was on view at the Model as Muse exhibit; email us a a picture and win a prize! Soon Yi couldn't find it. Anywho, Gisele's attempt to prove her return to hotness post-enfant en Vogue should be done in Balmain, not bikinis.

Speaking of babies, Anna hasn't loved one since Bee, but loves pregnant chicks in an attempt to show "shapely" women. Gisele may be fat here, but at least her arms are still bone!

My back!
One thing we did like: this outtake from SJP's next Vogue shoot for the Sex and the City Sequel!

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

The Final Curtain Akimbo

16 immaculate looks marked the end of an era last week as Alexander McQueen's final show last week in Paris. Though the presentation was only open to a few select editors, AnA's own Dolly managed to sneak in just in time to open the show.

There she is, doing me and Ms. Streisand proud.

Well aware of what a momentous occasion this is in her career, Dolly refused to treat her posing lightly. Lee would have been proud.

A fitting end to one of the most brilliant careers in the history of fashion.

who dat