Note to Self: Renew W Subscription

Personally, I blame it on the boogie

Linda.
Say it softly and it’s almost like praying. Dame Evangelista takes on Biblical proportions in November’s W. Allegedly, it’s their Art Issue, but as soon as I saw Linda on the cover – an 80s throwback-side-sweep of a bob, looking matronly and wholly appropriate (in front of the AnA ladies alma mater, no less) – the picture of nouveau financial ruin, I knew what I wanted.

All of this, brilliantly done by Maurizio Cattelan:

Arched and aloof, a coquette in the henhouse

I'm seeing a mouse, I'm seeing an envelope and I'm losing interest, save for that sly look on that mouse's puss

Nothing says America like clogged arteries and Salmonella...except maybe religious fanaticism...

Oh. Here we are. The picture of pert, poised, Papal plasticity

I doubt what good a few "Hail Lindas" will do, unless you're in need of a holy tantrum, but I'll throw a few in after my nightly prayer to Naomi...I expect to put my assistant in the hospital by the end of the weekend.

W Akimbo // Bruce and Emma

The actor Bruce Willis has no movie to promote until September, when his odd sci-fi film hits theaters, but why should that stop him from gracing our large-format bible along with model wife Emma Heming, I mean Emma Willis, I mean Demi?

The clothes are fine (see bow) and the Sally Bowles/Rosemary's Baby hair is predictable but hilarious. Emma made it big via Victoria's Secret so kudos to her for pouting her elfin mouth and giant eyes to good, high fashion use. Everyone has called this W spread "steamy" and "hot" and it kind of is in a techno, robotic way; but there's no realness to the madness. In lieu of impassioned grasping, walking, and riding, why not give Robot Willis a metal limb or something fetishistic to push the fantasy to the next level?

GIDDY UP

But girl, you make us proud. You stripped your man down. You strapped on a tranny heel that would make Frau Klum jealous. And you RODE that pony home. Kudos!

He's Just That Into Him

Ginnifer Goodwin, Big Love wife and long-suffering heroine of this year's biggest and chickiest chick flick, He's Just Not That Into You, trashes it up with one of AnA's wettest dreams in the latest W.

Sigh. What is there not to love? Gorgeous leather-clad male models in unapologetically homoerotic situations.

A silk organza bolero. An unnecessary butt shot. It's too good. Grab, pull...now turn him around...

Ooh, someone likes to watch. We likey. Ginny, straddle and ride that homo. Michele, you come with us.

Suck on it.

All bad girls smoke (something) and we couldn't be prouder of our little tramp. Particularly since she's giving face and body. Work.

And a fitting denouement: the unreal abs of Michele Graglia, hunched (natch) and a YSL silk bustier paired with a sassy LV boot and big 60s hair. Love how you're staring off into the distance, as if you're completely unbothered by the steaming mass of hotness to your immediate left. Well-played.

Not only did she get us to not hate a film starring both Jennifer Aniston and Ben Affleck (and as a couple. no less; girl deserves a Nobel Prize) Ginnifer Goodwin's given us something even greater: an actress with a real body who's not afraid to flaunt it. AnA commends you for stepping out of your comfort zone and dry-humping the hottest men on the planet.

Elle Akimbo // Desert Living

Did Elle's story on shiny clothes set in the desert strike you as familiar?

Hmm. Here's a story from the June 2008 issue of W:

High end desert couture? Ready-to-wear gone dry? Elle's story has more punch with its brighter colors and sloped shoulders. We at Akimbo love the semi-monochromatic way of W and the austerity of Abbey Lee. Which do you prefer?