Note to Self: Renew W Subscription

Personally, I blame it on the boogie

Linda.
Say it softly and it’s almost like praying. Dame Evangelista takes on Biblical proportions in November’s W. Allegedly, it’s their Art Issue, but as soon as I saw Linda on the cover – an 80s throwback-side-sweep of a bob, looking matronly and wholly appropriate (in front of the AnA ladies alma mater, no less) – the picture of nouveau financial ruin, I knew what I wanted.

All of this, brilliantly done by Maurizio Cattelan:

Arched and aloof, a coquette in the henhouse

I'm seeing a mouse, I'm seeing an envelope and I'm losing interest, save for that sly look on that mouse's puss

Nothing says America like clogged arteries and Salmonella...except maybe religious fanaticism...

Oh. Here we are. The picture of pert, poised, Papal plasticity

I doubt what good a few "Hail Lindas" will do, unless you're in need of a holy tantrum, but I'll throw a few in after my nightly prayer to Naomi...I expect to put my assistant in the hospital by the end of the weekend.

Back In The Habit Akimbo // Thankfully Not Wizard Clothing

Words currently fail us here at the Loft in describing Our Father Karl Lagerfeld's editorial of Emma Watson for Crash Magazine. So take a look at AnA's preview from The Daily Mail.

Girl is dressed as a NUN! A pale-faced nun in Alexander McQueen speaks to us. Nay, it PRAYETH to us and giveth us hope. As do these pages:

Emma conjures up some of the most EPIC celebrity hunches in recent memory. This tulle Comme des Garcons number on the left lends well to a full body, ruffled bend. And an attached hood is well played. The mishmash on the right is, natch, all by Karl Lagerfeld: we count a Fendi layered skirt, a Karl Lagerfeld Collection poplin blouse, and a smirking heave that makes good use of her arms. Well done, Emma. You are fabulous, tiny, and British, so we expect your compatriot to throw you on a Vogue cover sooner than later.

Eat And Sit Akimbo // Brazilian Commercials

AnA enjoys when high fashion girls end up in the commercial sphere; the money is a sign that all those years of no-money magazine and campaign work can pay off! First, take in VS tranny, LOVE Magazine girl and resurrected Givenchy catwalker Adriana Lima chomping down on Doritos, the chip of choice responsible for our chunkier days! The only bulges besides the ones she hides in the commercial are the ones carried by these poor boys.

Then, enjoy our lady Gisele as she catches up on the boob tube... and not her own! We mean Sky TV. When all those footballers run out, did you also think it was a Tom Brady-led smack down? Girl lounges like AnA; leg up and looking big-haired and fresh. Click!

Fabulous Akimbo // Advertising Vicky Becks

AnA has been sitting on this-- stop laughing! -- for a couple days without any idea how to address it. So here are the pictures in question: Posh, her charcoal makeup, ponytail, Emporio Armani lingerie, giant posters, mouth agape.

Can she get more perfect? She's not even a model! She looks better than most models! Is this all it takes, a diet of two green tea bags a day, to land one of the hottest men in the world? AnA has subsisted on rice cakes for years and we look like absolute cows in our lacy underwire ... where did we go wrong?

Sigh-ting Akimbo // Lady Elson

The other day, AnA dined along with one PR diva and a colorfully chained lady at the cozy West Village hotspot The New French, famous for its ubercool clientele. We struggled with enormous portions of greens, tiny cheeses and the main course -- red wine -- when we noticed a famous fiery femme peeking hungrily over her companions right shoulder: one Karen Elson.

PRE-CHICKEN DINNER

Lady White, any time you want to step away from the pages of Vogue, give us a ring. We've had our differences, but that's all in the past, and that poultry number you were picking at had our mouths watering!

In The News // Balducci's Akimbo

Balducci's, the high-end gourmet supermarket, closed both locations in New York City this weeknd in an ominous death knell for the overpriced and delicious world of grocery and prepared foods. Where will Dolly purchase $13 rotisserie chickens for AnA to nibble? Here are the fabulous remnants of the Chelsea location:

You know the economy is tumbling when the Chelsea gays, West Village homos and Meatpacking fashionistas end superfluous spending in favor of cutting back!