Haute and Cold Couture

The loss of Lacroix, Dahling! was certainly felt this couture season with a less than stellar showing, with only Dior and Chanel, the two powerhouse couturiers, delivering.

Gaultier was a joke and Sarah Mower was not laughing. Armani and Givenchy were boring.

Etc, etc, blah blah, give me a bowed bouffant and a riding crop.

I expect a lot from couture, a fantasy that I can only hope to attain, so don't give me whatever the hell this is. The queens on Drag Race could come up with better.

Chanel

Uncle Karl delivered one of his best couture collections, replete with silver and jewels entwined with the fabric, a wink to the future he doesn't believe in.

I really want to get married in this. In either look, really.

Dior

Galliano kind of phoned it in, but even half-assing it he's better than almost everyone else.

Just throw in some equestrian references, some lace and a few gorgeous, heart-stopping satin gowns and you've got a hit.

Oh hi...

Darling, be honest with me. Do I look fat against this ladder? I’ve never had to pose with anything frailer than I am. Even when that cunt Geri Halliwell lost 400 lbs, she still looked like a house in comparison. Just make sure you Photoshop an extra 10 lbs onto this blasted contraption. Give it a double rung, throw it in a muumuu, something for god's sake! I will NOT be upstaged in my own Armani ad. Now, if you'll excuse me, this ponytail isn't going to swing itself.