Oh hi....

What do you think of me, streetside, after I deathdropped across the Spring 2010 Chanel couture runway?

Do you like my patent heels? The super blue jeans? The snake of my bag? How about the understated wrapping of my fur? The more dead and tortured souls flung about my impossibly broad-but-bony shoulders, the better, as long as I can use the heads to clasp it all together. What else. How do you find the bang? The bow? The bump? Do you find the gray streak a witty allusion to the typical, sophisticated Chanel customer or a bit overdone? What about my return to the catwalk after being called too-thin by some? To them I say: shut up.

Out of My Face Akimbo // Wilting Whities

How did model diversity fare on the New York runways this season? About as well as an Ugg after a slushy snowfall: not at all, and ugly.

The Calvin Klein show dazzled us AnA girls -- we sat front row, two seats from that pre-teen blogging whore and sadly out of clawing range-- with tons of black and muted tones on cool shoulders but no Lyndsey Scott, the New Jersey native who stomped out this Spring as the first black Calvin exclusive. With Shena Moulton in the lineup and 90s supermodels Stella Tenant, Kristen McMenamy and Kristy Hume as muse, we forgive Francisco for his lack of diversity!

Miss Moulton went ponytail-t0-ponytail with 90s supes!

The Row designers dazzled the 176 super-VIP invitees -- Ms. Streisand gave a pity wave to Tila Tequila, shunned outside the venue before she was stoned to death by Grace Coddington -- with an epically minimalistic collection in mostly black that was pieced together by an army of tiny goblin hands.

The clothes were about the only thing black in that room, besides of course the olives floating in Ms. Ross's early morning martini. Pump up the casting! If we see one more wide Eastern European face sneering down a runway, we'll smash Magdalena's.

Kudos to DVF for picking all mannequin types for her cute, flouncy, expectedly wearable presentation. The casting included:

...boring white girls...

...black girls (hey girl hey!)...

...asians...

...blasians...

...blatinasians...

...dots...

...supermodels...

...new girls (who dat?)...

...too many Canadians...

...VS Angels...

...bones...

...fatties...

...perfection caught in a ground-tilted stare...

...and of course Ms. Ross herself, in her singular runway appearance. She knocked Naomi right off the catwalk! Work! Maybe they'll let more ethnics in at Lincoln Center!

AnA's NYFW Lookbook: Day 2: The Boys from the Brunch

Gearing up for a week of teetering around in heels, Dolly, Ms. Streisand and I decided to savor a moment of quiet reserve by getting shitfaced at brunch. And what does brunch mean but a glorious say-something hat!

Here I am, delicate as a flower and half the weight, in my Spring '10 Dior Haute Couture hat and veil. Three mimosas in and I was already on the floor. Of course, I magically sprung to life again once the fourth made its way to our table.

Ms. Streisand, feeling longing for Lacroix, donned this spectacular Spring 08 beaded number with real flowers! Luckily, or not considering the blizzard allegedly heading our way, it's too cold for any bees to make a nest in his chapeau.

Dolly, always a rebel, chose this delicate hair bow to accent the celery stalk in her (seven) Bloody Mary's. After brunch, we hailed a cab, but seeing that our head adornments towered too high for a backseat, instead rode home one of our burly waiters.

Ah, how nice it was to relax.

AnA's NYFW Lookbook Day 1: To Every Season, Turn! Turn! Turn It!

Much like global warming, though far more ominous, New York Fashion Week is upon us. And I know what you're all wondering: what will the ladyish boys of Armed and Akimbo be wearing? What looks will we dig up from the labyrinthine wardrobe closet of the AnA loft? From which designers will we beg, borrow, steal and inevitably blow in the backseat of a taxi to obtain the right ensemble.

Well, you know me, I likes to keep it simple. And cheap. So I'll be doing a high-low combination, both in my wardrobe as well as in my choice of pills. For starters, I think I might pair this Rodarte for Target shift worn as a T, paired with this Spring 10 Marc Jacobs pajama pant and this Fall 09 Nina Ricci jacket. Like I said, simple.

Dolly, ladylike as always, will pair this Chanel Spring 10 Haute Couture cape with this Thom Browne Fall 2009 suit and a glitter ankle boot he dug up at Forever 21.

Meanwhile, Ms. Streisand will be in head to toe Spring 08 Gareth Pugh, featuring this cube, these pants and this jacket.

I hope you're as excited as we are! And stay tuned for more of our NYFW10 Lookbook!

Haute and Cold Couture

The loss of Lacroix, Dahling! was certainly felt this couture season with a less than stellar showing, with only Dior and Chanel, the two powerhouse couturiers, delivering.

Gaultier was a joke and Sarah Mower was not laughing. Armani and Givenchy were boring.

Etc, etc, blah blah, give me a bowed bouffant and a riding crop.

I expect a lot from couture, a fantasy that I can only hope to attain, so don't give me whatever the hell this is. The queens on Drag Race could come up with better.

Chanel

Uncle Karl delivered one of his best couture collections, replete with silver and jewels entwined with the fabric, a wink to the future he doesn't believe in.

I really want to get married in this. In either look, really.

Dior

Galliano kind of phoned it in, but even half-assing it he's better than almost everyone else.

Just throw in some equestrian references, some lace and a few gorgeous, heart-stopping satin gowns and you've got a hit.