Monday, January 26, 2009

Pickin' Up the SAG

Nicolette Sheridan in Roberto Cavalli

Side-stepping and posing right out of 1981! If only that skirt were actually a legging, we could perhaps salvage this look. That and if you were accompanied by Laura Brannigan's "Gloria" wherever you went.

Jane Krakowski in Roberto Cavalli

How can we put this lightly? Your boobs are kind of gross...we tried. We still love and live for you, though.

Holly Hunter in Reem Acra

We applaud your daring choice of color, Holly, and we're also a bit turned on by your massive guns. Madge better watch her mannish back.

Tina Fey in Brian Reyes

Oooh la la, gam alert. You're like the sexiest librarian we know, Tina. Keep being you.

Marisa Tomei in Elie Saab

Love a cascading ruffle.

Mickey Rourke in Dolce & Gabana

Scarf, inward knee, hand in belt, messy pocket square and pose!

Taraji P. Henson in Hervé L. Leroux

Body-conscious was the theme of the night and normally we don't go ga-ga over the fairer sex, but, dammit, the figure is flawless.

Kate Winslet in Narciso Rodriguez

This is your year, Winnie and to prove it, the two globes you just won are out on the town.

Anne Hathaway in Azzaro

Look at our little princess and how she's grown. You're on a winning streak, Hathy. Obviously not awards-wise, but as long as you look better than everyone else, who cares, right? Right?

La Streep in Donna Karen

Yeah, we know you didn't expect to win, and really, neither did we, but we're glad you at least brought out that magnificent, "greatest living actress" clavicle.

Viola Davis in David Meister

Asymmetrical, COLOR, and poise. And starring as Michelle Obama in the inevitable Obama biopic starring Will Smith -- give it a rest already -- Ms. Viola Davis.

Teri Hatcher in Monique Lhuilier

We know you try so hard, Teri but this time you actually pulled it off -- diaphanous with yet another asymmetrical shoulder. If you could only tone down that joker grin, we could almost see falling in love with you...almost.

Les Jolie-Pitts, Ma Azria and Tom Ford

Didn't Angelina used to be interesting and sexy and just a bit dangerous? This whole matronly look is boring, safe and would look better on a woman twice your age and half your crazy. The Oscars are a month away and until then we'll be here if you need us.

Kate Cruise in Jil Sander

Now this is how you do hot, young Hollywood wife/mother and this bitch isn't even nominated. Or even an actress.

Amy Adams in Giambattista Valli

That plum tone against your skin is simply divine as is that bow thing you've got going on. And even if you didn't win, you got a shout-out from Meryl so no one feels sorry for you.

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