Monday, January 12, 2009

Red Carpet Rundown: The Globes

What a difference a year makes. A year and a crippling four-month writer's strike that left the film many in the industry struggling to hold on to their third and fourth homes. Yes, 2008 was a rough year all around, but it's back to business as usual and that business is Glam, Glam, Glam. May the self-congratulatory gold-dipped trinket-giving continue in earnest!

Winslet & DiCaprio, I guess that heart did go on...and on

Two wins, a bucket of tears and a flawless YSL: that's what we in the biz like to call a hat trick. Let's just hope that hat's big enough to cover Leo's enormous head. So proud!

I know Rumer Willis and I have one thing in common: we both used to beat our meat to her step-dad.

Oh hi, Miss Golden Globe. It is Miss, right?

I can see some cold mountains from here....

3-time Globe winner and serial squinter Renée Zellweger dragged out her best go-to Herrera, which in her defense, looked much better on camera. Everybody gets one.

Eva Mendes

You better watch your back, Mendes...

J. Lo

...'Cause La Lopez is back. Or at least fronting a comeback as she often does--on the backless back of a show-stealing dress. Maybe next time, though, you could dump that squirrel huz of yours and opt for some more chic and less cheek.

Marissa Tomei

Oh, Marissa. Who knew, right?

Mrs. Ashton Kutcher

82 and still stunning, How do you do it, Demi? Well, I think we all have an idea how you do it, so I guess it's really a question of how much, Demi?

Blake Lively

Once again, I wish Leighton Meester was here...

A Seal and a Klum in their natural habitat

Is that an unflattering bow or does someone need to seriously separate you two?

January Jones

Versace. Stunning.

Les Jolie-Pitts

You're the biggest stars in the world and the truest reincarnation of the Hollywood power couples of yore; Hepburn and Tracy, Leigh and Olivier, Burton and Taylor...would it kill you to step it up a bit, Angie? Sure you have no chance of winning, but you gotta show these young sluts how it's done by an old slut from way back.

Ann Hathaway

Kinda wished you'd passed on Bride Wars now, don't cha? Still, glorious in Armani Privé.

Glenn Close, hunky in Armani

God, I love a good pantsuit. And with gold emroidery? Stunning

Maggie Gyllenhaal

Bravo to you, Maggs; risking an asymmetrical, belted leopard-print Lanvin. A bold choice, but like most of your work since your breakthrough role in 2002's Secretary, you pull it off with mixed, albeit adorable, results.

Sir Thomas Cruise

When I first saw my little Tom-Tom drum, looking 20 years younger and 15 lbs lighter, I thought someone must have had a barrel of work done. Then, upon noticing the absence of his better half (2/3?), it became clear that he had, naturally absorbed his young wife, after feeding off of her soul for the pst few years. You can't argue with those results.


There are the forgettable tarts who are hot for a minute and then fade away, if we're all lucky, into relative obscurity, cough, Rihanna. And then there are the Divas. The disillusioned, larger-than-life wonder women who continue to greedily pursue an acting career and all one can do is step back and say, 'Wow, she looks really good in that wig.'

Drew Barrymore

Oh hi. Arriving with a fresh effervescnece (stoned) arm in arm with the incomparable Jessica Lange, Drew brought out the bombshell hair and the Dior Haute Couture and I said, throwing up my kimono'd arms in delight, 'Finally, this is Hollywood!' Crazy, kooky and above all, glamorous.

Amy Adams

You've come a long way from Cruel Intentions 2, Ms. Adams. Further than most people in the first Cruel intentions, the Witherspoon, natch.

Slumdog Millionaire's Freida Pinto

Oh, Freida. Delightful in Christian Lacroix Haute Couture. I think you're my favorite of the night. Let's say you call up Dev Patel and we see where a few boxes of wine take us?

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