Ave Madonna

Full of Grace Jones, D&G is with thee.

Oh hi...

I didn't see you standing there. Come with me, won't you, through a typical day in the life of a superstar, and more importantly, a...a...LINE! Mother! That's right -- and more importantly the life of a mother.

What the hell is this, are you serious? You expect me to carbs? And on camera no less. I haven't eaten anything solid since "Borderline". Lola, put down that meatball, you know the rules! Ten laps around the mansion. Next set-up!

Domenico, Stefano, really, I love you, I live for you. But this is a $500 manicure. Meanwhile, I wish you had waited for the swelling in my face to go down a bit. I've got more collagen in me than a harem of seals. Rocco, get away from that door! Your father's dead and he's not coming back! Moving along!

What's happening, what is with these bubbly things rising up at me? Hey, can someone watch the little one, whatever his name is. Hey, Luz, where do you think you're going? What do you mean we have nothing in common? Parts of me are younger than most of my children!

All right, that's it, cut! No one dumps Madonna Louise Veronica Ciccone Penn Ritchie...oh wait.

Dolce and Gabbana Fall 2010 Faves

Call me lazy, but there's nothing easier, more casual and pleasantly masculine (I know, right, who am I kidding?) than a pair of longjohns.

I feel like we're in Newsies!

I'm also loving these coats:

And these vests:

And all of this.

In the Army Now

The girls of Dolce & Gabbana Fall '10 marching down the runway. Unbeknownst to them, I drilled a man-hole in the catwalk to ensnare as many of them as possible. Like moths to the flamer.

When Supers Collide

Somehow this escaped my vodka-tinted gaze.

Surprisingly, the world survived to see another day. Naomi in that robe alone should have triggered the Apocalypse, but here we are salivating over it.

She's still the Anti-Christ, however.

Oh hi...

I know what you're thinking: Why, with all the delectable, firm-pec'd, super man candy all around, is she clawing at my one, bony sauerkraut shoulder? At first I thought that it was just a gesture of affection, then I realized to whom I was referring...

Notice how my delicate head is hanging, languidly, against that China bang. How gaunt my usually preternaturally perky cheekbones look. How I seem to be crying out from behind these Aryan blue eyes. She's sucking the life right out of me! Shhhh!

She'll hear us.

Help me.

Smell Like Naomi Akimbo

Via our friends at WWD... previews of the new D&G fragrance advertisements. Supermodels of both genders giving face and skin. Except for Naomi, of a unique gender of her own and clothed in the shadows of her cheekbones. You better be at the MET gala! And all the girls are wearing short skirts so we can't wait for those gams to come out, it's been too long!

Flesh from the Oven: Dolce / D&G

Fat? Preggers? I can only hope it's the latter. And can only hope the baby's daddy is Tyra.