Breakfast at Tiffany's, Bombing at Barney's ... Akimbo

Let's talk about ... reading. It's summer, kids, and with booty shorts and Soon Yi's visa renewal comes the Armed and Akimbo book club! First up is a super VIP event tonight for the thrilling new novel American Subversive, which in the span of three caffeine pills takes on the "new" Manhattan scene (do you know where Weehawken is?), the "new" media, domestic terrorism, fabulous department stores and most importantly trashy Meatpacking whores.
The book also reveals bloggers for who we REALLY are: intelligent, inquisitive, enterprising, courageous, unique, talented ... wait where am I?

McNally Jackson

52 Prince St.
7:00 pm

Why read it, when there are oodles of Vogues, Ws, Outs, Interviews, GQs and Butts that demand taloned page-throughs? Well, first and possibly most important, us AnA girls are a tad attracted to the hot author.

David Goodwillie: I'll run spellcheck on YOUR underground fringe group!

Anywho, see you tonight!

Cover It Up: A Stroll Through W Lane

Wandering through W Magazine's cover archive brought up so many memories. I can easily trace my fashion development with W's, as we both sprang into womanhood around the same time.

Premiering in September of 2001, at least one reason why its birth is muddled in the haze (this being another), I was but a sophomore in high school, taking baby steps through my first issues of Vogue.

Then this giant, modestly-priced number came along and I slipped into it as easily as Karlie Kloss into a couture bodysuit. Nearly ten years later, here we both are, a little worse for wear, but still actively turning it.

Below, in my not so humble opinion, are the greatest covers in W's short history, year by year.

2002

W's first great cover came a good 9 months into its inception. This was the first cover I actually remember hearing about, though it certainly wouldn't be the last buzzworthy cover for the mag. A post-klepto Winona, tussled hair, punk attitude and all, sporting her own ubiquitous T whose image is weirdly reminiscent of a young Mary Tyler Moore, sans the innocence or Dick van Dyke.

2003

Selma Blair, where are you? Her January 2003 cover is simple and perfect, with those GIANT mod eyelashes (that I would wear everyday if I could) and slightly agape mouth. Meanwhile, Pam Anderson strikes an all together completely different pose, giving windswept 80s sex pot.

2004

Androgyny, always a favorite topic in fashion, is given double exposure via Gisele's (hunching for her life) January 2004 cover and W's "Asexual Revolution" issue later that year.

2005

Karen Elson, MOVE! The Brangelina cover, the issue that really made W's one-letter name, is still one of their best. The 60-page Steven Klein shoot now seems eerily prescient, given the beaten up state of Angie's vagina. He was a bit off on the kids' shading, though.

2006

Probably the best year for W, I had trouble picking only four covers. Usually and openly not a fan of Cammy D, she looks AMAZING in the December 2006 issue. Mostly because it doesn't look anything like her. Meanwhile, Christina Ricci's stunning fur-trimmed hunch caused those uptight PETA assholes to wet themselves. And Meryl's and La Lohan's cover is still HILARIOUS.

2007

Someone I'm also not a fan of, Gwynny Paltrow, has never looked better, or more equine, than in September 2007. A month earlier, alien-robot couple, The Beckhams, had one of the sexiest shoots, perhaps ever and enough cannot be said about Naomi's photojournal. I'm still gagging over it.

2008

Little Orphan Annie Hathaway was about to hop on the Oscar train as a front-runner for her wonderful performance in Rachel Getting Married, and was having a serious moment. Though Hath lost, August cover girl, Pepe Cruz, snatched a trophy with the same delicate hand that's caressing her shoulder.

2009

Madonna and W have always had a great relationship, and thanks to W, the icon got another relationship out of the deal. After spinning her divorce into yet another publicity stunt, she began dating her barely legal co-star from the shoot. Somethings, thank god, never change.

2010

I'm still shocked.

A new era began at W this week, and hopefully more epic covers will follow in the years to come. However, this, will not cut it.

EDIT: Well, apparently W's been around since 1971. Who knew?

American Vogue or Shape Magazine? Akimbo

Dear, sweet, hippy Gisele Bundchen-Moynahan-Brady goes commercial for the April Vogue - gone are her Dior days, kids - that included a cover shot. Infuriated, Ms. Ross accidentally swatted Soon Yi in that delicate face as she delivered low-fat Starbucks lattes to the loft. Here's a particularly offensive shot from the "fashion" story inside:

That better be a diet shake.

"I'm coming, Bridget! Fetch!"

Meanwhile, AnA has a bone to pick with photog Patrick Demarchelier, who stole Arthur Elgort's near-iconic shot of Stella Tennant diving into a pool, all 90s and stuff, for this grossity. Here's the Gisele rip-off:

I'm sopping over this infinity edge!

The infinitely more humorous Stella/Arthur original was on view at the Model as Muse exhibit; email us a a picture and win a prize! Soon Yi couldn't find it. Anywho, Gisele's attempt to prove her return to hotness post-enfant en Vogue should be done in Balmain, not bikinis.

Speaking of babies, Anna hasn't loved one since Bee, but loves pregnant chicks in an attempt to show "shapely" women. Gisele may be fat here, but at least her arms are still bone!

My back!

One thing we did like: this outtake from SJP's next Vogue shoot for the Sex and the City Sequel!

Eat And Sit Akimbo // Brazilian Commercials

AnA enjoys when high fashion girls end up in the commercial sphere; the money is a sign that all those years of no-money magazine and campaign work can pay off! First, take in VS tranny, LOVE Magazine girl and resurrected Givenchy catwalker Adriana Lima chomping down on Doritos, the chip of choice responsible for our chunkier days! The only bulges besides the ones she hides in the commercial are the ones carried by these poor boys.

Then, enjoy our lady Gisele as she catches up on the boob tube... and not her own! We mean Sky TV. When all those footballers run out, did you also think it was a Tom Brady-led smack down? Girl lounges like AnA; leg up and looking big-haired and fresh. Click!

Just-'Cause Akimbo // Celine

Remember when Celine was relevant? Neither do we; the Spring 2000 collection feels like six face lifts ago. Here is the show as opened by supposed gangster Gisele "Bridget" Bundchen. AnA approves Michael Kors' timeless take on bleached denim and the sashaying ease of a giant denim tote.

A Gisele Day

Ms. Ross' inspired post on Gisele and her Brazilian counterparts drove many of us at AnA to actually READ the article in Vanity Fair, where she dishes on Tom Brady's old lady Bridget Moynahan and her kid ("I already feel like he's my son, from the first day"), on Leo ("He still has one of my dogs", i.e. Bar Rafaeli), on her career ("If it's not torture, it's not fashion") and on her future:

"I will have a colorful family, like a rainbow...Children are like little angels!"

God bless, Gisele. You speak at least six languages and can barely say a substantial thing in any of them. And with posing ability and multilingualism comes not humility or tact, but the brazenness to humiliate your husband's former girlfriend! Who has never done anything to you! And in a widely read national publication featuring you on the cover! WORK like AnA likes!

Supermodel (You Better Work)

Gisele. The horse-faced Brazilian is the only real supermodel to come out of the oughties. She goes by one name, dates (then marries) high-profile man candy, and even stars in horrible movies that no one cares to remember, just like the supers of the high-flying 90s. Fair Game anyone?

But why only her? Is one supermodel of the world all that Fashion can handle/tolerate? And what about the next decade? Will we see Agyness, Chanel, Coco, Hilary (where is she?), Gemma, Sessilee or any number of potential divas ascend to the ranks of Evangelistan egotism?

Or was the Brazilian bombshell just a fluke?

Not by a long shot. If these girls can learn anything from La Bündchen, this is it:

1. Become a Victoria's Secret model. Sure, it's not real modeling, but it's exposure. Just look at Adriana Lima, whom more people know by name than, say, Karlie Kloss. Is that right? Please. But if it's good enough for Tyra...

2. Whore yourself out. Gisele is in Guinness as the world's richest supermodel, and she didn't get that way by doing a few runway shows a year and skipping a few (hundred) meals. Girl's got her own line of flip-flops. Flip flops. What's next, Liya Kebede comes out with her own line of Uggs? If we see Kebede Uggs on the market, we demand a share of the revenue. Just a word of warning, though, it's best to avoid the Kathy Ireland K-Mart route.

3. Don't be afraid of a little skin. Just look at this cover. In a proper supermodel, women want someone they can aspire to, whereas men just want someone they can beat off to. In truth, Gisele is probably more popular with men than women (AnA certainly doesn't get the appeal, though girl can pose), and it's that broad appeal that makes a model...super (thanks for asking).