Highlights and Low Lives: Fashion Week Day 1

Organic by John Patrick - For the preppy slut in all of us

Oh Shalom...

Um...pretty damn perfect

I want to see this girl stomping down the street

Love an old lady dress

Lyn Devon - 50s glamour, 80s drug habit


The Philadelphia Story?

JACKET!

In loving color

Prabal Gurung - Cocktail hour, and don't skimp on the gin

Africana Akimbo

Girl loves to drape

Too goddamn cute

And of all times, in the year of the shoulder

Helmut Lang - Post-Apocalyptic daywear

Easy does it

Love a utilitarian look

A splash of blood

Desert trek anyone?

L.A.M.B. - I feel ashamed coveting a celebrity line, but if it has to be anyone, gimme gimme gimme Gwen Stefani...with a heaping helping of her hottie husband on the side


Give it

Want

Now

BCBG Max Azria - Gossip Girls night out

Bondage and bold prints

Peek-a-boo Streaks

Sack c'est chic

Dining, dancing and draping

Oh hi...EVERYBODY!

I’d like to start off with saying, I have no idea where I am or what Paper Magazine is, but my good friend Queen Latifah said there’d be an open bar and free shrimp, to which I said, just try and stop me, buster! That, for no reason but lack of a proper segue, reminds me of a story Papa used to tell me when Mama would cry into her old wigs and shake her tiny, frail fist at Louis B. Mayer, about a princess with great, big doe eyes, a sassy boy cut that looked oddly like a spider devouring her head, who had all the talent in the world. However, her evil mother, a queen, naturally, was desperately afraid of being eclipsed by her younger, prettier, more talented daughter and tried to poison her with some magic beans that looked a lot like candy! I never knew where Papa got these stories from! But I just happened to tell this story to two friends of mine. And it turns out these friends of mine happened to be songwriters. And you know what happened, don’t you? RIGHT! A lawsuit. But after that lawsuit was settled, they threw together this darling little tune about it. JACK!...Where’s my piano player, Jack?...I don’t care what your name is, just play the damn opening notes, you’re making me look bad. Idiot. Jack!

TV Akimbo

Apparently, America's Next Top Model premieres tonight. Last time we checked, the fashion industry doesn't care about short models and neither do we. When is Ms. Jay going to get her own show so we can cut off Tyra all together?


What we will be watching, however, is Glee, which also premieres tonight. Though Variety seems to hate all things wonderful and amazing (how can Jane Lynch be anything but perfection, let alone be annoying?)

P.S. Who did Ms./Mr. Lynch's make-up for that promo shoot? Not at all flattering, Fox. Is this how you treat your lesbians?

Battle of the Muglers

As the VMAs have recently become potentially interesting again, and with Beyonce and Lady Gaga both up for nine Moonmen, including the "coveted" Video of the Year, it’s inevitable what will happen: a Mugler-off.

The French designer is in higher demand now more than ever, thanks to the two pop tarts rocking his signature metallic bodysuits in their videos and performances. But who wore it best and who will bring it the hardest come Sunday night?

First off, we have Gaga ‘s “Paparazzi” -- the most epic eight minutes AnA has experienced in a long, long time, versus Beyoncé’s design on a dime video for “Sweet Dreams”.

Both turn it out in golden Mugler, but Gags has to take the cake, wearing hers like a haute. couture. CAST.

B, on the other hand, is standing around, dead in the eyes as always, with a terribly unflattering Jojo Baker-esque finger wave going on.

The difference is as simple as this: one of them understands fashion, the other simply likes shiny things. Round 1 goes to Lady Google.

Performance-wise, our money is on Sasha, because, well, girl’s a robot -- she may not even be wearing a bodysuit, that might just be her real skin. But we're really tuning in to see Janet and -- are you listening God? -- a surprise Whitney cameo. Old-school divas teaching the new-school how it's done?

It's what the VMAs are all about!

Oops-There-Goes-My-Kids-All-Over-Your-Face Akimbo / Menage-a-Twat

The dyke inside of us is wetting herself.

So is the raging queen come to think of it...

Either way, someone get us a towel.

Annie Losinitz

Too harsh?

Famed "fashion" photog, Annie Leibovitz is in some serious shit. Having leveraged basically her entire career for a $24 million loan she is unable to pay, Annie is facing foreclosure from her creditor, Art Capital Group if she is unable to pay back the money by...today!

Leibovitz has taken some of the most iconic pictures of the past few decades, even if her recent work for Vogue and Vanity Fair have left us occasionally uninspired. I smell a montage coming on!

Oh, Marky Mark. Who knew while he was dropping his pants in the early 90s that an illustrious career, including an Oscar nomination, was in his muscly-armed future?

And speaking of unexpected career turns...

Of course there's this image which initially sparked controversy, only, like most controversial works, to be copied and parodied, to varying degrees of success, for ages.

Here's one of our faves featuring an ethereal La Kidman.


Sandy Bernhard, Sarah Silverman, Wanda Sykes, Jenna Fischer and Chelsea Handler tarting it up.

Another iconic cover, John and Yoko on the cover of Rolling Stone when it was still relevant, way back in 1981, before anyone reading this blog was even born...or so they claim.


And finally something the girls at AnA can identify with...

A real queen.

Our New Obsession

New York Mag has finally made itself useful and has created this dream made reality: a catalogue of every outfit Mrs. Obama has worn out in public -- updated regularly to boot. AnA will surely be studying this daily to learn how to properly dress like a powerful but chic woman of the world once we've all married money and are called upon to organize liquid brunches and charity dinners.

Dolly always a fan of an Empire waist, might go for this charming Narciso Rodriguez, while out shopping for her latest pair of glittery ballet flats.

Ms. Streisand, always a fan of a statement jacket, might choose this little number with a subtle Givenchy belt to take the kids to their Hebrew lessons.

Meanwhile, yours truly, might be smoking up on a fatty on the way for a day at the spa with my little one in this charming Moschino sundress.

Thanks, Chelly. You're a true inspiration for aspirational ladies everywhere.

Oh hi...

I know what you're thinking: Why, with all the delectable, firm-pec'd, super man candy all around, is she clawing at my one, bony sauerkraut shoulder? At first I thought that it was just a gesture of affection, then I realized to whom I was referring...

Notice how my delicate head is hanging, languidly, against that China bang. How gaunt my usually preternaturally perky cheekbones look. How I seem to be crying out from behind these Aryan blue eyes. She's sucking the life right out of me! Shhhh!

She'll hear us.

Help me.

Oops-There-Goes-My-Kids-All-Over-Your-Face Akimbo / Fuck The Homeless

Not the women obviously...

But seriously, I know we obsess with one Mr. Simon Nessman, but don't you want to just lick him clean? Throw out that bathtub girls!! Now, get down on your knees and LICK up all that perfection.

I'd love to lick that ass too... Too far?

I know the whole spread (and covers) are epic and highly worthy of analysis... but here at AnA we like to focus on what's really important in fashion: hotness.

The Taste of Vermont

Aside from our own Dolly, very few things of note have come out of Vermont, or as I like to call it, the "Show Me Where the Hell It Is on a Map" State. But this adorable little gem makes me want to rethink my opinion...and almost makes me want to start eating dairy again. Almost.

Remember the Time...

When sneaker pumps were all the rage? It was the early-00s, those halcyon, pre-Recession days where Jennifer Lopez was the hottest thing on the streets...when she actually had a career and people cared what she did, who she did and most importantly, what she wore.

I remember seeing that famed sneaker pump for one of the first, if not the first time, in her "Jenny from the Block" video. I managed to turn my head away from the obtrusive, completely unnecessary presence of Ben Affleck (if he had a dime for every time someone said that about him...) to take in that glorious pump. No, I wasn't fooled by the rocks'n that she had gotten, but I was full in love with her as a style icon. Remember this gem:

Better days

God, what happened?

Oh, yeah...well, not everyone can ride the crimson wave of being a modestly-talented actress, passable singer, admittedly very good dancer and purported fashion designer without burning out in a matter of a few short years.

Like the sneaker pump, La Lopez was a reminder of a ghetto fabulous time when we were all riding high on a mix of mescalin, coke and optimism. Fast forward through two terms of Bush and a spin-off of Laguna Beach (really?) and we're all freebasing hope that the 10s will bring back some of that shimmer, that glitz, that Glow by J.Lo, if you will.

Madonna Caught Assaulting Underaged Underwear Model; Lola Unphased

How about a little Madge for your day? Her new video for Celebration, besides being awful, features fashionista on the rise, Lola Leon Ciccone Ritchie...Penn? Girl is the fiercest 12-year old since...well the gals at AnA. Of course, this bitch has a muscular, 200-year old yogi leg up. Work.

The Times They Are A-Changin'

There she is. 1994, sharing and effortlessly stealing the spotlight, that gam extended straight towards Hell.

Now 2009. Practically the same, natch. But who's to say that she can't be naked and wear fur? Hypocrite? Maybe. An 80-year old super who just doesn't give a fuck? What do you think?