Armed and Akimbo: November 2008

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Cinematically CInched...at the Waist

All About Eve, 1950
Starring: Bette Davis, and in one of her first roles, Marilyn Monroe
Costumes by Edith Head
The martinis are dry, the wit is even drier, and the gowns are stunning! With a cigarette in one hand , her glass in the other, Bette Davis' Margo Channing is a tornado in satin, wreaking a path of destruction with sharp, drunken barbs.

Her famous eyes *hand clap, hand clap* hazily dazed, her hair tussled and her voice growing more gravelly by the minute, there is no picture of world-weary glamour that is more appealing or more inspiring. Get your claws out, bitches.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Hunch Of The Day // Agape Ashrug

Icon of the Week: Portrait of the Artist as a Young Diva

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Calendrier Akimbo

Check out this cover and Akimbo's faves from the just-out calendar from French Vogue:

MOVE // Rope!

Toss! Loop! Grab! Rope! Snarl!

Kuponen Akimbo // December French Vogue

Here's another awesome beauty opener from French Vogue; for when you feel those 80s vibes pulsing and you need to line your eyes, flip your hair to one side and wear a merlot lip.

Hunch Of The Day // Purr Plié

Monday, November 24, 2008

Icon of the Week: Zadie in Waiting

Say It Ain't So...

I mean, even though this is unforgivable, and is another in a series of horrible covers of late, this can't...it musn't be true! It probably is though, and I'm sure we'll all get over it eventually, but dammit, it's the purported end of an era.

Cinematically Cinched...at the Waist

Myrna Loy
The Thin Man, 1934
Costumes by Dolly Tree
There's something magnetic about Myrna Loy's beauty and something completely modern and accessible. No other film showcased this like the first Thin Man, which spawned a successful series, six films in total. Her Nora Charles is the perfect counterpart to William Powell's Nick Charles, whether hunting murderers or hosting dinner parties, at which a murderer was often present. Always chic, always stylish, always cool, Nora Charles is the most glamorous--not to mention affable-- girl Friday in cinema. And who wouldn't want these two on the case?

Even if they couldn't find whodunit, at least they'd look flawless while trying.

Oh hi: AMAs Edition

Rihanna

Yeah, I don't know why I'm famous either, but hey, why question it? I mean, there's this:

You like this Madonna/Janet/Cher look I'm pulling off, right? But, being the artist I am, here's a sequined eye-patch. It's all about originality. And so what if my performance was lackluster and boring, as long as I surround myself with an army of dancers, dress in bizarrely fierce outfits and fuck Chris Brown, who is NOT gay, thank you, then I should be fine.

Miley Cyrus

Woo! Sixteen and ready to bone! Where's my sexy, statutory-aged boyfriend so we can ring in this birthday, right?! I even shaved my mustache for this specific occasion. Sexy sexy.

Xtina

Rolling out a greatest hits package, otherwise I wouldn't even be here. I've got a million other things I could be doing, including a new baby, thank you, but this record's not gonna push itself. Momma's gotta go scream, occasionally on-key, for her supper. Get outta my way, I'm also on the rag.

Jonas Brothers

Giving head to dudes doesn't count as sex right? I mean, that's what Chris Brown said, and he's the Artist of the Year. Remember when that meant something? Yeah, me neither.

Toccara

Just make sure the caption says, "Supermodel Toccara..."

Alicia Keys

All right, that's close enough. I got a little bronzer on the dress so don't take any close pictures, k, fellas? Hey, you! With the zoom lens. What the hell did I say? Back the fuck up before I show you a woman's worth all over your face, chief.

Kanye

What the hell you lookin' at? You never seen a black man with a fox tail before? I grew it last night by sheer force of will. I'm working on a unicorn's horn for the Grammys. Get your Haterade out now, motherfuckas.

Pink

Hey, remember when I was the best thing to happen to pop music since Madonna became a Jew? Yeah, of course you don't because you've been so far up Brit's cunt for the past ten years you missed it. Oh well, guess who won in the end, assholes? This cunt.

Who the hell are these people? Is there like a middle school field trip going on in this bitch, because I was NOT told I'd be performing for tweens. Say is that Chris Brown groping up one of those Jonas kids? Geez. Never thought I'd see the day when I was the oldest chick in the game, but then again, I was sixteen for like eighteen years...All right, ladies, let's get it!

Boyfriend(s) of the Day

Jack and Lazaro, double your pleasure...

Friday, November 21, 2008

Icon of the Week: That's André With an Emphasis on the é

Can we just make a suggestion?
A men's fashion magazine.
Simply called é.
Edited by the two most fabulous/insane black men this side of Kenya.

and

Also, your homework for the weekend is to find one or both of their birth certificates to prove or disprove any relation these two giants among ladyish men may have. Extra points for finding a picture of them occupying the same physical plane!

Red Carpet Akimbo // Gucci Party

Sigh. Remember when I was the Material Girl?

Now I'm just a tired, worn-out divorcee attending some Gucci party in our old bathmat while Lourdes puts Rocco to bed.

Sorry to do this girl, but you look JUST like I did after I dropped Guy: Hell.

And here I am between who I THINK is Aaliyah and Kate Winslet? No? Ashanti and that McCartney girl? Too soon?

Papa don't preach! I'm gonna keep THIS baby!

This guy... I feel like I messed around with him. Ten years and three vodka tonics ago. When wearing sneakers to an event was "nifty."

All I see in this Russian bug are my arms pre-yoga...

...but damn girl has street fighting done you good! Armed and loaded A-Rod style! Dated hair and 90s makeup! Oooh! Just made me twitch downstairs! Or was that the Long Island I just downed with this girl:

Sigh again! To be young, successful, an ingenue. An actress, even! Before all the surgeries, affairs and bicep curls. A bit of advice sweetie? Avoid the late nights, "reinvention" and baseball! Ah hahaha!

ANTM-Akimbo // The Newest Manface

So the finale of Top Model was anticlimactic and hardly the who-will-it-be thing it has been in past "cycles," but at least everyone can agree that the winner - McKey Sullivan - is the most model-like winner in the show's history.

The formula? Tall, bone, slightly insane-looking with great skin, young, and, of course, mannish. McKey is not only Tyra's dream winner but also the sort of beautiful girl that agents and casting people look for. Good job!

Considering the wacky genre of ANTM photos, I genuinely like this other shot of McKey... girl already has a couple pictures for her book!

If this were a "MOVE" post, it might read: "Sea! Step! Mast! Tranny heel! Uni-Arm!"

Finalist Samantha was shorter and genuinely chubby for a model, but at least she could turn out photos like this, which I love.

And in a show that this time has given us very little, let us at least be thankful for Isis. Work it like you're pre-op!

Just-'Cause Akimbo // Tiny Tim

Hunch Of The Day // Knob-Head Kow

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Icon Hunch of the Day: Benjamin Bowing

Note the pocket square.

Cinematically Cinched...at the Waist

Rita Hayworth
Gilda, 1946
Gowns by Jean Louis
Sultry, sexy, seductive, satin, shimmy shimmy ya. Rita Hayworth's Gilda is the femmiest of femme fatales, and oddly, a third wheel in her own relationship. There is most definitely something going on between her two lovers--nothing like coded homosexuality in the good ole days-- so can you blame the girl for doing what she has to do, even if that includes running away to Sous America to etch out a living singing in nightclubs: