Feeling Gay...

I rouged my knees, rolled my stockings down, slicked my hair and threw on my buckle shoes then did the Charleston -- high on reefer, bootleg gin and jazz -- til the coppers broke up the joint.
Zelda Fitzgerald ain't got shit. On. Me.

NYFW Fall 2010 Recap : MIchael Kors - Luxe Life

Michael Kors apparently endangered numerous species while hunting and skinning them alive (with his bare hands) for his Fall 2010 collection. And I can't imagine that those animals would have wanted it any other way. What's romping about unbothered in your natural habitat when you ca be paraded down the runway on the bony backs of Karlie Kloss and Chanel Iman?

A fur skirt? Please, give me fur everything. We're all dying soon anyway, let's just skin everything and wear it in anticipation for the Apocalypse. I, for one, am gunning for a Kardashian .

Oh, those dead foxes, minks and whatever have you. They're the real heroes.

Out of My Face Akimbo // Wilting Whities

How did model diversity fare on the New York runways this season? About as well as an Ugg after a slushy snowfall: not at all, and ugly.

The Calvin Klein show dazzled us AnA girls -- we sat front row, two seats from that pre-teen blogging whore and sadly out of clawing range-- with tons of black and muted tones on cool shoulders but no Lyndsey Scott, the New Jersey native who stomped out this Spring as the first black Calvin exclusive. With Shena Moulton in the lineup and 90s supermodels Stella Tenant, Kristen McMenamy and Kristy Hume as muse, we forgive Francisco for his lack of diversity!

Miss Moulton went ponytail-t0-ponytail with 90s supes!

The Row designers dazzled the 176 super-VIP invitees -- Ms. Streisand gave a pity wave to Tila Tequila, shunned outside the venue before she was stoned to death by Grace Coddington -- with an epically minimalistic collection in mostly black that was pieced together by an army of tiny goblin hands.

The clothes were about the only thing black in that room, besides of course the olives floating in Ms. Ross's early morning martini. Pump up the casting! If we see one more wide Eastern European face sneering down a runway, we'll smash Magdalena's.

Kudos to DVF for picking all mannequin types for her cute, flouncy, expectedly wearable presentation. The casting included:

...boring white girls...

...black girls (hey girl hey!)...

...asians...

...blasians...

...blatinasians...

...dots...

...supermodels...

...new girls (who dat?)...

...too many Canadians...

...VS Angels...

...bones...

...fatties...

...perfection caught in a ground-tilted stare...

...and of course Ms. Ross herself, in her singular runway appearance. She knocked Naomi right off the catwalk! Work! Maybe they'll let more ethnics in at Lincoln Center!

Remember When...

...I was hopped up on glue from sticking on the millions of little sequins on my bodysuit in preparation for Fashion Week?

Mom's feelin' woozy.

In other news, this is still happening:

Remember When an ANTM Winner Landed a McQueen Campaign?

Well, you will now, kids.

In other news, Karlie Kloss will be stomping down the runway for Lauren Conrad's line, whatever the hell that's called.
Coco Rocha has landed a deal to be the new face of K-Mart.
Raquel Zimmerman will no longer be jumping in Vogue, but in Lucky.
And Chanel Iman is a Victoria's Secret model...

Hunch of the Day // Bullseyed and Bowled Over

Quotable Akimbo // Napoleonic

V Magazine: Tyra's built herself an Empire. Is that something you want to do?

Chanel Iman: Of course! Who doesn't want to have an empire!

Oh hi...Supermodel Smackdown

-Coco.
-Chanel.
-You're looking typically bland.
-Well, what look are you going for dear, gypsy, tramp of thief?
-I think you've got the market cornered on tramps.
-Oh? And who was that little person you were posing with in Vogue?
-We're good friends, Tyga and I.
-Friends? Bitch please. Fashion has no sympathy or empathy.
-Auditioning to be a judge on Top Model...or a contestant.
-I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you, your outfit is too loud.
-Oh, look, it's my dear friend, Beyoncé. Excuse me, I have someone real to talk to.
-Real? The only thing real between the two of you is the horse you stole your weaves from.
-Kiss.
-Love you.

Bottega/Bergdorf Akimbo

Last night, AnA went with a sack-dressed friend to the Bottega Veneta event at Bergdorf Goodman. We mingled with equally fine-frocked fabulousness whilst nibbling tiny hors d'oeuvres, sipping champagne and oogling over Tomas Maier's finely crafted woven leather goods; but we're not talking about the man himself, because he is a fox! Here he is "with friend":

Cece Cord. Six feet tall, bone thin and a face to die for. So lovely to see you!

Arlenis, why so coy? You have the immaculate honey skin of a Dominican goddess. Shoulders back, arms down and POSE!

Here we go. Chanel Iman, an MTV ingenue constantly smiling with her whole face. Cary Lowell, wide-eyed and lost. Tomas, looking hot in sunglasses the whole night through.

My little pony! This redhead got lost on her way picking someone up from school. Work that asymmetry!

Anywho, if you missed us hunching in the corner, that's our fault! Hope to see you tomorrow at Fast Ashley's Studio in Brooklyn for a hip little soirée!

Backstage Chanel

Dior RTW Fall '08

Turn it.

Backstage Chanel

JPG Fall 2008 Couture


Grace Jones lives on in spirit, even if her body is subsisting on the blow from 25 years ago. Six years older than this wonderful creature. Imagine that.