Karlie Kloss Has a Gun...

And she's not afraid to use it.

(Hint: It's in the turban)

Kloss continues to channel classic film noir femme fatales, as seen here in the recent Gaultier HC show in Paris. And let's not forget her dead on Betty Bacall for Dior:

This Year's Supermodel

Karlie Kloss continues on her mission for world dominance. Her latest step: a strong cover for May's Teen Vogue.

Take note, Mama Vogue, this is how you do an all-American cover without boring everyone on the checkout aisle at the A&P.

P.S. Does A&P still exist?

Kloss Klan (A)Kimbo

What were you doing when you were 17? Were you, perhaps, going to high school? Maybe you had a part-time job, scooping ice cream at the downtown ice cream parlor? Did you on the weekends drive to the cinema with your "boyfriend?" Or were you like us Akimbo gals, snorting powders off of our first Chanel purses? I'll tell you one thing you sure as Donna Karan hell weren't doing: Hemming and Hawing across Vogue in fabulous frocks, flat-ironed fringe and foward-thinking flip flops!

I'm prettiest when I'm hunching! Eyebrows? The heck with that, I'm Dutch!

Get that wind machine out of my face, please, I'm working this peasant skirt!

My hair is so fun! And pretty!

We love this statuesque teen as if she were our illegitimate Anderson Cooper offspring! Proud!

NYFW Fall 2010 Recap : MIchael Kors - Luxe Life

Michael Kors apparently endangered numerous species while hunting and skinning them alive (with his bare hands) for his Fall 2010 collection. And I can't imagine that those animals would have wanted it any other way. What's romping about unbothered in your natural habitat when you ca be paraded down the runway on the bony backs of Karlie Kloss and Chanel Iman?

A fur skirt? Please, give me fur everything. We're all dying soon anyway, let's just skin everything and wear it in anticipation for the Apocalypse. I, for one, am gunning for a Kardashian .

Oh, those dead foxes, minks and whatever have you. They're the real heroes.

Out of My Face Akimbo // Wilting Whities

How did model diversity fare on the New York runways this season? About as well as an Ugg after a slushy snowfall: not at all, and ugly.

The Calvin Klein show dazzled us AnA girls -- we sat front row, two seats from that pre-teen blogging whore and sadly out of clawing range-- with tons of black and muted tones on cool shoulders but no Lyndsey Scott, the New Jersey native who stomped out this Spring as the first black Calvin exclusive. With Shena Moulton in the lineup and 90s supermodels Stella Tenant, Kristen McMenamy and Kristy Hume as muse, we forgive Francisco for his lack of diversity!

Miss Moulton went ponytail-t0-ponytail with 90s supes!

The Row designers dazzled the 176 super-VIP invitees -- Ms. Streisand gave a pity wave to Tila Tequila, shunned outside the venue before she was stoned to death by Grace Coddington -- with an epically minimalistic collection in mostly black that was pieced together by an army of tiny goblin hands.

The clothes were about the only thing black in that room, besides of course the olives floating in Ms. Ross's early morning martini. Pump up the casting! If we see one more wide Eastern European face sneering down a runway, we'll smash Magdalena's.

Kudos to DVF for picking all mannequin types for her cute, flouncy, expectedly wearable presentation. The casting included:

...boring white girls...

...black girls (hey girl hey!)...

...asians...

...blasians...

...blatinasians...

...dots...

...supermodels...

...new girls (who dat?)...

...too many Canadians...

...VS Angels...

...bones...

...fatties...

...perfection caught in a ground-tilted stare...

...and of course Ms. Ross herself, in her singular runway appearance. She knocked Naomi right off the catwalk! Work! Maybe they'll let more ethnics in at Lincoln Center!

Hello Dolly!

Well thankfully Dolly finally showed up! Praise Oprah!

Riding her cab driver side-saddle into the AnA loft, Ms. Streisand and I rejoiced! Well, rejoiced as much as we could between the potent mixture of Botox, Quaaludes, gin and starvation...we raised a finger in delight.

It's still awful outside, but luckily Armed and Akimbo is safe from the outside elements...

Well, we're out of booze, so we'll see you later.

Remember When an ANTM Winner Landed a McQueen Campaign?

Well, you will now, kids.

In other news, Karlie Kloss will be stomping down the runway for Lauren Conrad's line, whatever the hell that's called.
Coco Rocha has landed a deal to be the new face of K-Mart.
Raquel Zimmerman will no longer be jumping in Vogue, but in Lucky.
And Chanel Iman is a Victoria's Secret model...

Perfection Thou Name is Kloss

Inner Monologue: Strap me into a sky-high tranny heel and turn me loose. Walking, working, uh-oh wobbling--fall without falling! And deathdrop! Flat on my ass and they're still rolling. Give it, Karlie! High fashion shrug! Get up with a hunch, atta girl. No one's suspected a thing. Throw it on the cover of Vogue Italia and call it a damn day. I'll be pretending to eat in my dressing room if you need me.

Sneak Peak // Chloe Akimbo

Three of the lithest and longest dark blond mannequins in the business hoof it through hay in camel coats and capes for the windswept Chloe campaign. In this AnA exclusive preview, Mikael Jansson lenses Sigrid, Kasia Strauss and future American Vogue cover girl (just a rumor, kids) Karlie Kloss as they set their Arms Akimbo on the Spanish steppes.

We love the luscious 90s supermodel hair, the choreographed STEP and impeccable styling. Dolly approves the thigh-high boots for her own luscious limbs; Ms. Streisand always covets a pantsuit; and we challenge you to find Ms. Ross NOT in a cape or exaggerated drapery. Perfect and Golden for Fall!

"I Think My Favorite Time Was When I Was A Muse for Yves Saint Laurent"

Bones of the Roundtable

There's nothing like a good old-fashioned model caucus to bring the claws out. Oldest living supermodel, Lauren Hutton presides over the action like the queen mother she is; Iman is perfection incarnate, per usual; but Top Model judge Paulina Porizkova simply hates everyone.

She thinks girls start modeling too young, which is probably true, and that she was in the best period for modeling as there were no superstars. A comment for which Naomi was strangely absent (by the way, where the hell was Naomi for most of this roundtable? "Powdering" her nose? We know they didn't just cut her out of the frame. 3 to 1 Naomi had to jet off to something better about five minutes in. Any takers?).

However, in American Vogue's May issue, where one can find the report on this roundtable, Paulina expounds on that statement, saying that "if you were not part of the clique you were definitely left out." Naomi, of course disagrees, citing how supportive it was being friends with a group of girls, to which Paulina replies: "You were in a clique, Naomi."

No, Paulina. She was in the clique.

Hi.

Naomi goes on to say that Linda and Christy would not work some shows if they didn't let her walk, which helped La Campbell become one of the biggest models, black, white, yellow or whatever have you, ever. Maybe cliques wouldn't be so bad. Imagine if Karlie and Caroline refused to walk unless Sessilee and Jourdan were cast? Bring back the model tribes!

And as for you, Paulina, we don't hold anything against you. You were amazing in your heyday, but obviously it smarts being left out of the popular girl's table at lunch. And this certainly hasn't help matters either. Which hurts most? The former supermodel jab or being kicked off a show you never wanted to be on in the first place? If you want our advice, run to Mama Ty Ty. She knows all about being snubbed by Naomi.

Hunch(es) Of The Day // Chinese Curl

Shu-pei and Karlie in Chinese Vogue...