Cola Rocha

Coco hasn't had that much coke near her face since...Saturday?

So Uncle Karl's coming out with his own line of diet soda, to which I ask, why the F not?
Does it make sense?
Of course not.
Do people who regularly drink soda even know who Karl Lagerfeld is?
Doubtful.
But you gotta give it to Koke and Carl; they'll do anything for a quick buck.
And that bottle is hilarious enough to warrant a taste, mixed with a healthy dose of vodka, natch.

Out of My Face Akimbo // Wilting Whities

How did model diversity fare on the New York runways this season? About as well as an Ugg after a slushy snowfall: not at all, and ugly.

The Calvin Klein show dazzled us AnA girls -- we sat front row, two seats from that pre-teen blogging whore and sadly out of clawing range-- with tons of black and muted tones on cool shoulders but no Lyndsey Scott, the New Jersey native who stomped out this Spring as the first black Calvin exclusive. With Shena Moulton in the lineup and 90s supermodels Stella Tenant, Kristen McMenamy and Kristy Hume as muse, we forgive Francisco for his lack of diversity!

Miss Moulton went ponytail-t0-ponytail with 90s supes!

The Row designers dazzled the 176 super-VIP invitees -- Ms. Streisand gave a pity wave to Tila Tequila, shunned outside the venue before she was stoned to death by Grace Coddington -- with an epically minimalistic collection in mostly black that was pieced together by an army of tiny goblin hands.

The clothes were about the only thing black in that room, besides of course the olives floating in Ms. Ross's early morning martini. Pump up the casting! If we see one more wide Eastern European face sneering down a runway, we'll smash Magdalena's.

Kudos to DVF for picking all mannequin types for her cute, flouncy, expectedly wearable presentation. The casting included:

...boring white girls...

...black girls (hey girl hey!)...

...asians...

...blasians...

...blatinasians...

...dots...

...supermodels...

...new girls (who dat?)...

...too many Canadians...

...VS Angels...

...bones...

...fatties...

...perfection caught in a ground-tilted stare...

...and of course Ms. Ross herself, in her singular runway appearance. She knocked Naomi right off the catwalk! Work! Maybe they'll let more ethnics in at Lincoln Center!

Coco, Straight Up

La Rocha is not pulling any punches with the New York Times.

“You know what, I’ve stopped caring...If I want a hamburger, I’m going to have one. No 21-year-old should be worrying about whether she fits a sample size.”

Stuff that burger into your saucy mouth, girlfriend!

But jut because you're a supermodel doesn't mean it has to be super-sized.

Red Carpet Rundown: The 2010 Grammys or Why the Music Industry is Doomed

Last night's Grammy show was the worst in history. And it started off so well, too. Gaga opened the show with yet another epic performance with her mother.

Then things quickly fell off.

B was amazing as usual, but disappointed by neglecting to have her army of male dancers put a ring on it.

Pink was incredible and death-defying, though much like me five minutes into the show, was not "Sober."

J.Huds and Celine belted out "Earth Song" in an all-too-brief tribute to MJ, also featuring Usher, the legendary Smokey Robinson and some country tart.

The one who didn't win Album of the Year. Also, any mention of the latter is strictly verboten on this blog.

And finally MJB melted my icy heart with a touching rendition of "Bridge Over Troubled Waters" with Andrea Bocelli. Who is apparently blind. Who knew?

Those were the only highlights in an otherwise dreadful show that proved once again that the Grammys are the least relevant awards show on the planet. Well, almost.

Anygay, onto the "fashion" of last night. Like the show, also a major disappointment, except for Gaga who is apparently the only person who gets it.

Here's the lady in Armani Privé. I wished upon this star that she'd walk away with an armload, but apparently wishes don't come true. Fuck you Disney. Meanwhile, Gags had 5 Armani Privé

outfits that we all missed out on thanks to some 20-year old talentless slut hogging all the trophies.

The event known as Celine Dion, looking flawless in someone I've never heard of. Aquilano.Rimondi. Anyone?

The red carpet look was, in a word, horrendous. B looks like she's wearing a carpet. And with the zipper down the front, come on, kids! Her show and performance outfits were far better, most likely because they were chosen by Sasha Fierce, who I wish would just take over and make all the decisions from now on.

Ciara in Givnechy Haute Couture, proving that this HC season was one of the more dismal in recent memory.

Coco Rocha in her own design. Okay.

Mr. Fierce in Tom Ford. The Knowles-Carters ran away with a ton of Grammys last night. Jay also got one for his collaboration with Rihanna. In other news, Rihanna was found with a stiletto through her heart earlier this morning.

Someone dug up J. Lo from ten years ago when people still cared about her and threw her in Versace. Perhaps hoping to reclaim some of that past glory? Here's a suggestion, dump the corpse you call a husband and focus on your career.

From J. Lo to J. Huds. She looks stunning and is working that post-baby body in Victoria Beckham. Also that China bang was the best hair of the night.

And from one bang to another. Katy Perry showed up in a shitty Zac Posen that revealed a bit too much side boob. Dolly and Ms. Streisand have all but given up on you, Zac. But I still hold out some hope.

Glee's Lea Michele looked great, opting for a short Romona Keveza dress and sultry hair. She looks like a Jersey girl out for a night of dancing, Long Islands and perhaps a BJ in the men's bath, i.e. perfect for the Grammys.

Pink channels early-00s Kylie in this Bob Mackie number that is basically all I ever want in an outfit.

On her way to the Oscars, Nikki Kids apparently got lost, but still looked Prada perfect.

I love how sluts get younger every year. Soon they'll be giving pregnancy tests in day care.

Grown-ass lady Mary J. Blige popping in fuschia and popping out a tad.

Now, I've never been a fan of Rihanna. I just don't believe her. She's like a blow-up doll Jay-Z likes to play with when B's on tour. But I kind of love this Elie Saab Haute Couture gown. Call me crazy. I hope this doesn't mean she's growing on me. If so, I'll need to visit the pharm ASAP to find the right ointment.

Remember When an ANTM Winner Landed a McQueen Campaign?

Well, you will now, kids.

In other news, Karlie Kloss will be stomping down the runway for Lauren Conrad's line, whatever the hell that's called.
Coco Rocha has landed a deal to be the new face of K-Mart.
Raquel Zimmerman will no longer be jumping in Vogue, but in Lucky.
And Chanel Iman is a Victoria's Secret model...

Oh hi...Supermodel Smackdown

-Coco.
-Chanel.
-You're looking typically bland.
-Well, what look are you going for dear, gypsy, tramp of thief?
-I think you've got the market cornered on tramps.
-Oh? And who was that little person you were posing with in Vogue?
-We're good friends, Tyga and I.
-Friends? Bitch please. Fashion has no sympathy or empathy.
-Auditioning to be a judge on Top Model...or a contestant.
-I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you, your outfit is too loud.
-Oh, look, it's my dear friend, Beyoncé. Excuse me, I have someone real to talk to.
-Real? The only thing real between the two of you is the horse you stole your weaves from.
-Kiss.
-Love you.