Say It Ain't So Akimbo

This is what I have to look forward to? Kill me now.

Style.com's Style File Blog is apparently determined to ruin what's left of my interest in the global fashion weeks. Claiming that the sky-high heel craze, like the pashmina or Gwyneth Paltrow's career, is dead. First Marc Jacobs, now this? What's the point of wearing clothes anymore? I might as well gain 300 lbs, join a nudist colony and dedicate my life to something...real. Shiver.

NYFW Fall 2010: Marc Jacobs - A Grayer Shade of Stale

Usually everything Marc does I greet with open arms. With one chubby Brazilian exception. And much like that exception, this collection left me a little limp.

Nothing really stood out. Of course, there were some great pieces, including a fur bolero and the finale gowns.

But like me on a weekday afternoon post-lunch, the show lacked vision. Everything was nice, but not epic. Maybe Marc wasn't feeling particularly epic.
However, as he has proven time and time again, he's often on the forefront of a trend so maybe, as I am afraid to even consider, Marc's just on the mark.
What with the extreme heels, severe silhouettes and gag-worthy futurism of the last few seasons, and with no end to this couture-killing recession in plausible sight, perhaps this decade will mark a shift towards the subdued, the wearable and *cringe* the flat.

Well, whatever Mrs. Martone is saying, I'll be buried in my armadillo heels with a coffin designed to accommodate the one dramatic shoulder I plan to get murdered by a jealous ex-lover in.

AnA's NYFW Lookbook Day 1: To Every Season, Turn! Turn! Turn It!

Much like global warming, though far more ominous, New York Fashion Week is upon us. And I know what you're all wondering: what will the ladyish boys of Armed and Akimbo be wearing? What looks will we dig up from the labyrinthine wardrobe closet of the AnA loft? From which designers will we beg, borrow, steal and inevitably blow in the backseat of a taxi to obtain the right ensemble.

Well, you know me, I likes to keep it simple. And cheap. So I'll be doing a high-low combination, both in my wardrobe as well as in my choice of pills. For starters, I think I might pair this Rodarte for Target shift worn as a T, paired with this Spring 10 Marc Jacobs pajama pant and this Fall 09 Nina Ricci jacket. Like I said, simple.

Dolly, ladylike as always, will pair this Chanel Spring 10 Haute Couture cape with this Thom Browne Fall 2009 suit and a glitter ankle boot he dug up at Forever 21.

Meanwhile, Ms. Streisand will be in head to toe Spring 08 Gareth Pugh, featuring this cube, these pants and this jacket.

I hope you're as excited as we are! And stay tuned for more of our NYFW10 Lookbook!

Givenchy Following in Marc's Skort-Wearing Footsteps

Oh Marc, always one step ahead, aren't we?

You know what I always say, there's nothing to top off a nice formal day look like a nice skort and a spandex tight. Ricardo Tisci clearly knows what I'm all about.

Also on tap, Messianic accessories:

I, for one, want to wear this year-round:

I can think of nothing better to keep me warm during the cold months of 2010.

Settling: Akimbo Edition

Well it seems my efforts to break up Marc and Lorenzo have proven...well, fruitless. Apparently they were married in St. Barts. Some say it was a rehearsal. I say I could care less. Am I jealous? Obvi. Will I try to invade their conjugal bed then unceremoniously kick out Lorenzo the first chance I get? You betcha! Married or still engaged, I think we all know this will end up in gay divorce court. Let's just hope Marc had that chubby tart sign a pre-nup.

P.S. Is that the ghost of Robert Redford in the background?

Marcy Marc and the Funky Hunch

Porcelain

I always count on Marc to lift my spirits amidst the jumble, rumble and tumble of Fashion Week. How many harem pants, draped silhouettes and printed leggings can one look at before just not giving a Furstenberg?

Hey Everybody!

And then here comes Marc, looking 12 years old and gorgeous in his requisite kilt, giving us crazy curly-cue details, feudal Japan references and an instantly must-have fanny pack and I’m inspired again. His Spring 2010 is a grab bag of exquisitely-crafted pieces, some for the average joanne in need of a staple trench or jacket, and plenty for the gals at AnA who’ve never met a ruffle we didn’t like.

Marc wants us to have fun with our clothes, an idea with which I could not agree more. Why not wear GIANT pajama pants with an exposed garter and a bra as a top with a bold scarf wrapped about the neck? I’m going to Key Food and I need something comfortable. These touches of underwear as outerwear, though not new at all by this point, felt fresh with Marc at the helm.

I didn’t, however, die for everything: those sandals though adorable looked painful as a mother and some of the later Aztec (I’m guessing)-inspired dresses left me a little apathetic.

But the finale dress, which looked like the tears of a sea nymph woven together by the thread of Grace Jones enchanted pubes (delightful image, no?) brought the show to a thrilling close.

The genius that is Marc Jacobs remains untainted, and the hotness that is Marc Jacobs, like a fine wine, seems to only improve with age. Lucky is the chubby Brazilian ad exec who gets to pop that cork.

Just 'Cause Akimbo // Aphrodite

Going Above 23rd Street Akimbo // Model Mannequin

Oh, excuse me while I reapply! The collagen is falling off my face!

Like every good fashion plate, AnA trekked it uptown to take in the "Model As Muse" show at the MET; we went in Ms. Streisand's BMW. Attire du jour: we picked grunge, in honor of 90s Marc Jacobs and Lady Sui. And what did we think of the show?

Overall, a good textbook round-up of fashion models popular in the European and American markets since World War II. From Dovima for Richard Avedon to Linda Evangelista for Peter Lindbergh to Naomi for Gianni, the MET covered its bases. This was accomplished through famous magazine tearsheets exhibited in front of 3-D mannequin displays outfitted to mimic the shots. Yes, Brooke Shields' infamous Calvin Klein jean advertisements were included -- the jeans themselves were strapped onto a Brooke mannequin as well! -- as well as an amusing wall of Sports Illustrated covers with our own personal muse Tyra. Kudos to Gemma Ward for landing a spot next to her fore-mothers in a stunning photograph by Irving Penn!

Our favorites included a rotating display of aluminum costumes from "Who Are You, Polly Maggoo?" and the Twiggy roundup; in terms of being a "breakthrough" model, the MET suggests she is most important to fashion history. Yet AnA questions the much-debated Azzedine Alaia absence as well as any official mention of the Brazilian Bombshells besides a few Gisele pictures . The explosion of the 90s Tokyo fashion scene goes untreated and many famous Asian models like Ai Tominaga, Irina Pantaeva and Du Juan are left unheralded. Plus the MET ignores the rise of the internet, and Style.com's practice of naming models on their website as a tool in increasing model celebrity.

Our biggest peeve? Check out the mannequin faces: completely blank and as flat as the magazine pages before them. Shouldn't the faces have been styled after the models in the exhibit? AnA suggests a display of famous faces from different eras arranged together; the 6'1" Veruschka next to the race-bending Janice Dicksinson passed out in front of the 5'7" Kate Moss. Wouldn't a dynamic array of different types of beauty, but in the flesh, been lovely.

Met Musings Akimbo

With the MET Gala just around the corner, what will everyone wear?

AnA's well-placed spies report that one leggy ingenue known for an irregular catwalk may score big points by wearing Marc Jacobs (as supplied by Anna Wintour's army). Roland Mouret is also rumored to be dressing a brunette bombshell to escort on his arm. Expect various muses and mannequins, especially from the house of Versace, to crawl out from under third world rocks to attend this one! AnA will roll into the ceremony half in the bag, with Grace Jones thrown over our shoulder, and frocked in Dior Couture from Spring 2007!