Adam Lambert Akimbo // Crushin'

Oh Adam Lambert. You lose, but win in so many ways. To celebrate your arrival and probable dominance in American pop culture, let's gander at some pictures of you and your gayness.

Oy, American Idol promo pictures. Look how they tried to make you into a hetero-normative teen idol; sexy leather jacket, punk hair, and giant bulge be damned. Us girls would jump on that.

Even when they styled you for as a Ratpacker for that crooning episode, you still gave off a hint of crazy. Pretty suit and slicked back black, Work.

Then you let your assymmetrical hair down for the finale performance with KISS! A bunch of drag queens screaming in giant platform heels on stage warms AnA's heart like only a fruit-flavored vodka gimlet can. And what is that cage armor about your shoulders? I do hope there is glitter on there. Otherwise, what's the point.

Before they announced your loss to Martin Short, you again donned a classic, well-tailored ensemble in your favorite black: matte. So there it is. The talented gay again loses to the more popular, less amazing straight boy. Sigh. Anyway, there is lots that AnA is looking forward to in terms of the Idol tour. Primarily, this:

Adam, if you don't whip out of your closet your gold glitter spandex leggings, bullet belts, thigh-high boots, full faces of makeup, and lots of skin, we'll demand our money back! Hooray for scandalous past lives!