Back In The Habit Akimbo // Thankfully Not Wizard Clothing

Words currently fail us here at the Loft in describing Our Father Karl Lagerfeld's editorial of Emma Watson for Crash Magazine. So take a look at AnA's preview from The Daily Mail.

Girl is dressed as a NUN! A pale-faced nun in Alexander McQueen speaks to us. Nay, it PRAYETH to us and giveth us hope. As do these pages:

Emma conjures up some of the most EPIC celebrity hunches in recent memory. This tulle Comme des Garcons number on the left lends well to a full body, ruffled bend. And an attached hood is well played. The mishmash on the right is, natch, all by Karl Lagerfeld: we count a Fendi layered skirt, a Karl Lagerfeld Collection poplin blouse, and a smirking heave that makes good use of her arms. Well done, Emma. You are fabulous, tiny, and British, so we expect your compatriot to throw you on a Vogue cover sooner than later.

Hunch Of The Day // Re-Design Ruffle

Oh hi.

Normally, Armed and Akimbo prefers to let our hunches speak for themselves; but today we have some news! In addition to the blog redesign -- Miss Ross is hard at work much like Mahogany's days out of the showroom -- look for upcoming product giveaways, special interviews and jewelry ventures by yours truly. It's summer, baby!

Cheap Mondays Akimbo

If you're smart, you'll highstep it to this sample sale down in SoHo near the Akimbo Loft. Dolly abhors pick-from-a-cardboard-box sales but this one is very well organized year after year and the clothes are great. New acquisitions for us include pink jeans, sailor stripe wide-length trousers and already-wrinkled cotton blue pants.

Givenchy Again Akimbo

To follow up on our Givenchy campaign preview, here is a quick look at the men for a hot minute of ogling. Check out our boyfriend Simon Nessman and his ever improving head of hair, which this season has been flat-ironed into a severe bowl cut that is adorable.

Leggings, kids, and they shine. Also check out our girlfriends' Givenchy preview at bon mauvais gout.

Blackout Akimbo // Cosmo Kremer

Futurism run amok, this is the state of mind influencing our latest favorite stylist Nicola Formichetti. For this month's Dazed and Confused, she teams with Pierre Debusschere to explore menswear designed by the young - and AnA's French obsession-- Romain Kremer. With wildly colorful palettes and synthetic materials like transparent plastics and tubing, Kremer lights up (literally) AnA's mood with headgear and innovative, well-focused pieces.

Icon of the Week

Mary J. Blige, Queen of Hip Hop Soul, notorious ass-kicker and future Oscar-winner, started out just a bad girl with raw talent as big as her gold doorknocker earrings. However, through her many trials and tribulations (she earned her diva stripes the hard way, the only way really) MJB has kept it all kinds of fierce.

Her early-90s look - gold hoops, blonde hair, giant black shades and baggy jeans with an exposed bra - inspired girls as much as her search for Real Love.

But as she grew up and grew into herself, off came thebaseball jersies and on with the couture. No More Drama but yes please to a canary yellow Gucci fur!

Now the bad girl is a grown-ass lady with an impeccable sense of style. Of course that doesn't mean she won't cut a bitch.

Times Akimbo // Simon Doonan, Whonan?

Eric Wilson followed Barneys creative director Simon Doonan around SoHo the other day to discuss the brand new show "Beautiful People," which is based on Doonan's rise from humble British beginnings to gaytastic window dresser in New York. In typical New York Times Style Section fashion, Wilson snagged some newsworthy quotes.

“I have an updated, repackaged version of my childhood that I can now reference,” [Doonan] said. “It’s better than a face-lift.”

THE SHOW IS ALSO ABOUT TWIRLING

The show is gay. Really, REALLY gay in that awkward, early teenage way and not in the crossdressing, drug stupored way. Bad clothes, choreographed dances in bedrooms, teasing at school ... AnA felt sucked back into school at the back of history class, leafing through People. Eric does not discuss how the comedy, based on Doonan's memoir, was developed largely without Doonan's imput; perhaps that is where the show fails. It lacks the trademark Doonan wit he deftly unveils in interviews and of course in his ANTM appearances (he called a girl a whore once!). A dissapointment sans discernable plot, "Beautiful People" can step aside for our new television favorite: Glee!

Lima Akimbo // Dark Lady

Adriana Lima's turn as a snackfood gal hasn't stopped her from landing the Givenchy campaign, which our friends at the label revealed today with a macabre preview.

Great styling and use of black-on-white. Even her eyebrows are bleached out to create the ghostly effect that has been popular chez Givenchy. Well done, Riccardo Tisci, we also aren't afraid of the underworld! Pile a white fur over our shoulders and call us goth!

Hunch Of The Day // Sophisticated Stilt

Glamour, Thy Name is Winslet

This month's issue of Glamour features their list of the 50 Most Glamorous Women of 2009, as chosen by the mag's readers and a panel of experts, including good old Uncle Isaac. Off the bat, AnA is worried that Iman and Kate Moss are bringing up the rear, while Jennifer Aniston and Scarlett Johansson are even at all present, let alone in the top 10! So obviously the list, like any list that attempts to enumerate something as subjective as glamour, is flawed, but nonetheless we applaud the effort. Just look at this top 3 -- flawless:

We have nothing against La Jolie but her style is often too boring and safe, but if we were Oscar-winning millionaires married (so to speak) to this, we'd literally wear a bathrobe and curlers on the red carpet and not give a lick what anyone thinks. Okay, I take that back, we have pretty much everything against that bitch.

Reese, eh, nothing special, but we do appreciate the single, slutty new you. March those gams out.

Aniston...God bless her she tries.

Klum. Tranny heel. Done.

Mmm, Ryan Reynolds. Oh, hey Scar Jo! Didn't see your tig-ole-bitties flaping in the wind there.

Arch that back, Mrs. Brady.

Pepe Cruz it's you. It's always been you. Our love affair with the lady is reaching fever pitch! Really though, she has been absolute perfection every time we've seen her. Who could ask for anything more in a starlet?

Glamour's most glamorous ladies are more or less a hit, with a few misses, but there are a few glaring omissions. Namely these bitches:

And let's not forget Ms. Streisand. Perhaps next year, divas!

Checkin' In Akimbo

Hi Michelle! Hope you liked the Mother's Day basket we sent you. But who doesn't love chocolate rum balls? Anyway, you've been looking AMAZING lately! Here you are traipsing across your lawn in silver flats and a yellow floral cardigan by Liz Claiborne. Loving the baby daddy.

You looked superb at that MET ribbon cutting the other day in that whimsical purple get-up by AnA's newest resurrected godfather Isaac Mizrahi.

That corset! That impossibly appropriate hair! You cinched your Michael Kors with a laced-up Peter Soronen. Immaculately sleek, so well done.

Our favorite First Lady Look? The Azzedine you broke out to give a speech/steal the Kennedy thunder. It's a modernized black, you carry so well a modified Puritan collar, and AnA wouldn't be surprised if you whipped out a laser gun!

And check out those guns! Squeeze the spotlight out of her!

Gay Akimbo // GQ

Don't get us wrong: AnA LOVES GQ. Love the hot girls, love the shaving tips, love the advice on how to find straight man food. But a change rumbles in the magazine's editorial depths. Check out this month's spread on masculine summer attire:

Utterly adorable! Fitted polos, tanks and biceps, cardigan sweaters and flat-front khakis add up to a sugary boy delight! But is this true to the goal of the magazine, to queer its straight readers and deny us our monthly glance into how vagina lovers live? We love our straights! Metrosexuality has already taken over in the cities. Will GQ push it one step further by gathering up cargo shorts and American Eagle flip flops and tossing them to the dumpster? What's next! Adam Lambert on the cover!

Mouthed and Agape / Amused Bouche

EMOTIONAL Akimbo // Bjork

Dolly dares anyone to say that Bjork is not a beauty girl! Those elfin features. Those high, piercing cheekbones. A mane of jet-black hair to shield away the Icelandic cold. A well manicured brow. As seen on this month's Interview shot by Inez and Vinoodh, it all culminates in a pasty layout of photoshopped teardrop goodness. This is how you stay in the pop cultural consciousness; a random, high-end magazine cover with an unreal accessory.

Potassium Akimbo // Ananas

AnA ignores directions, so the other day we felt embarrassingly late tottering through Nolita with impractical Miu Miu sandles and our edgy plastic eyeglasses in search of the only-the-cool-knew-about-it opening party of boutique Ananas. The adorable designer Jennifer Lagdameo features her own line of handbags -- kids, we saw a fanny pack! -- along with a mix of summer scarves and accessories. And for these times, when AnA cuts back by drinking only HOUSE liquor, Ananas is a fashionably frugal find.

WE BET ALEXIS BLEDEL WANTS ONE TOO

AnA approves the gold crackle Nealy for the strap and insanely editorial metallic edge. Also on view: the Coco Cork Clutch, which we spotted on one Lauren Graham. Lots of leather, too. Not for sale: the array of meats-on-stick and champagne that constitute a typical Akimbo meal. So once our bleached Balmain bottoms roll into the loft, and we get our Nealy, look for us swinging that gold number at offensive paparazzi and hangers on! No pictures!